Keeping loneliness at bay

Michael is in Barcelona at the moment working on an event so I’m on my own for a few days. I seem to be getting a bit better at enjoying my own company – I usually find it a bit lonely being on my own although in my teens I quite enjoyed having the space and time to think. It helps that I’m quite busy at the moment though – I’ve got so many things to do this evening and over the weekend (babies permitting!), have time with friends booked in the diary and then Michael is back on Sunday evening anyway.

Ladies of letters

I’ve been reminiscing with an old school friend about some of the stories from my university days (prompted by her coming across a box containing some of the old letters I’d written to her). I was quite a prolific letter writer during my first degree at university. Back then, most of my friends didn’t have email and phoning wasn’t always so easy as it involved having to queue to use the hall payphone (and enduring the impatient sighs of those waiting whilst making the call!) Nowadays, I email or use Facebook to keep in touch, but it’s not the same.

Creepy crawlies

It’s funny how children often seem to have no fear when it comes to creepy crawlies. They will happily pick up beetles and spiders and watch, fascinated, as they crawl about. So why is it that some of us, as we get bigger (and the insects therefore seem much smaller) we become afraid of them – even those which won’t harm us? When I was a little girl, my mum used to dread going through my pockets which were always full of beetles and bugs which I would keep as “pets” – yet now nothing could induce me to pick up an insect.

Remembering the routines...

Missing too many weeks of tap class is a bad thing. With everything else that’s going on, I’ve missed the last two weeks and will end up missing a few more over the coming weeks. I seem to have an awful lot of catching up to do as a result. It wasn’t so bad on the easier levels but now we’re getting more advanced, we work through the routines so much quicker. It takes about half the lesson before I manage to remember what the routines were – now I just have to get my feet to listen to my brain...

Stop the world, I want to get off!

There are times when I wonder if perhaps I try to fit too much into my life. Tap classes, show rehearsals, doing an OU course, being involved in the process of finding a new minister at church (our lovely minister Elizabeth is moving on to pastures new in June), being part of the worship group involved in planning a couple of services whilst between ministers, editing the church magazine, keeping the website updated, being a full-time midwife, plus finding a new house –whew! At some point, I really should slow down and learn to say no to a few things!

Just an ordinary day

Some days are eventful – I rush around in a buzz of activity, my head is filled with so many different thoughts; there is so much going on that the challenge is to keep the daily reflection to exactly 100 words. Other days are just ordinary – life ticks along at a steady pace, nothing really happens other than normal day-to-day activities, my brain goes into relax mode and I am just there in the moment, calm and content to enjoy the everyday. There are no deep thoughts to harness, no sudden flashes of inspiration – it is just an uneventful, peaceful day.

Starting a new course

My OU course on writing fiction has officially started today although the first week (week 0) seems to be mostly about introducing ourselves, getting used to posting on the forums and getting to grips with what the course is going to be about. Now that it’s here, I’m feeling a little nervous about finally taking the step forward and focusing on improving my writing skills, particularly when thinking about the two assignments ahead! One bonus of being a student again means being able to have an NUS card and get student discounts – cheaper shopping trips are always a good thing!

The IT Crowd

Michael had audience tickets to go and see The IT Crowd at Pinewood this evening. I’d never been to see a TV show being filmed and so was quite looking forward to it, even though I’d never really seen the show before. It was quite an interesting experience seeing it being filmed and the show was quite funny, although admittedly by the time we were on the third take of some of the scenes, the jokes no longer seemed quite so funny and the plastic seats became quite uncomfortable after three hours, but that aside, I really enjoyed the evening.

More things I quite like about London

I grumble about London a lot but every so often, I realise there are some things I really do like about living here (although you’ll never get me any closer than suburbia!). Being able to meet Michael after he’s been working in town and then going for sushi is one of them. Free museums (not that I take advantage of that very often but it’s good to have it as option if I’m in town with a couple of hours to kill). Going to see shows in the West End (again never quite manage it as often as I’d like!)

Beginning the rebuilding process

Rome was not built in a day. And, as I am discovering, neither are burnt bridges. Fortunately, this evening’s attempts were not rebuffed as they were last week – a small start has been made in the rebuilding process which will hopefully continue and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that there will be no more visiting in Coventry for me – last week’s sojourn there was not a pleasant one. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to be around at times, that my barriers are all too quick to come up but at least I’m trying to improve the situation.

House hunting

I’m beginning to feel a little inundated with calls from estate agents and the diary is looking increasingly full trying to fit in viewing various houses. Whilst I’m still in the “isn’t this exciting?” stage, it is starting to feel slightly overwhelming too. I’m starting to become familiar with the road layout in the areas we’re looking at and learning more about the things I don’t want and which areas are less appealing which is making it easier to filter out houses before we get to the viewing stage. Fingers crossed that we manage to find the perfect house soon!

Family tales

I have had such a lovely day at home with my family catching up with Auntie Pauline, Uncle Peter and Auntie Shirley who were down for the day visiting my mum and reminiscing about their childhood growing up in the 1940s and 1950s. Some of the stories I had heard before; most were new to me – mostly funny stories that had us in stitches most of the afternoon – described so vividly that I could almost see the scenes unfold in front of me (albeit mostly in black and white – after all my only visual reference points have been old photos!)

Birth-day memories

This time four years ago, I was driving to my parents’ house to be my twin sister’s midwife. It was a clear night, much like tonight, reasonably warm – Kerrie was wandering around the garden between contractions with Matt supporting her. There was a lovely calm atmosphere – my parents were watching TV upstairs, 2-year old Ebony was asleep, my sister Maxine and friend Sarah were drinking tea in the lounge; we were all just watching and waiting to welcome baby Erin who entered the world shortly after midnight. The memory of it is as vivid as if it happened only yesterday.

Another lovely birth

After managing to resist being coerced into having an induction, my “overdue” client went into labour last night and had a lovely waterbirth in the early hours of this morning. Calling the hospital to let them know we’d had the baby and all was well was very satisfying! Needless to say, I’m feeling somewhat sleep-deprived as a result today (arranging a house viewing for this morning meant being able to sleep late was not an option). Despite my best intentions to have an early night and catch up on sleep, I’ve stayed up late yet again! When will I learn?!

A culture of fear

I’m so used to looking after women who step “outside the box” that now I find it hard to understand some midwives’ reactions when going into hospital. At the moment, I have a client who is 42 weeks and declining induction and some of the hospital midwives are having kittens over it, telling her she is putting her baby at risk and making her feel like a naughty child. Even one of the supervisors keeps phoning the office about it. I’m left wondering if any of them have actually read any research or have ever come across the word “choice”.

Dodging the debate

It feels like I’m one of the few people who didn’t actually watch the election debate on TV this evening. Mainly because I only turned on the TV at 9.20pm and “Have I Got News For You” followed by “Outnumbered” were somewhat more appealing. Secondly, I wasn’t convinced that it would actually make any difference to which party I will be voting for on 6th May and seeing clips of the debate on the news has just reinforced that view. Besides, the running commentaries on Twitter and Facebook have helped keep me informed of the debate – hooray for social networking!

To rebuild or not to rebuild?

To say that rehearsals over the last seven months have not been easy would be the understatement of the year. For various reasons, I have found them a huge struggle and admit that I’ve not always displayed my best side. During show week, I tried to make an effort to rebuild any bridges that might have been a little burnt. Tonight was the first rehearsal for the summer concert. I made a big effort this afternoon to go with a positive attitude – unfortunately within 5 minutes I was wondering whether the bridges are actually worth the effort of rebuilding them.

Focusing on the positives

I’m making more effort at the moment to try and focus on life’s positives (another attempt to try and regain control of my mood swings – admittedly they have been much better recently and long may that last). Here are some of the good things from today:

* Catching up with previous clients and getting to cuddle lots of gorgeous babies at the social this afternoon.
* Having a few moments to sit outside in the sunshine and watch the world go by.
* Getting all the ironing done and enjoying watching musicals whilst doing it.
* Getting my OU course materials in the post.

Washing machine woes

I think the washing machine might be in need of a bit of TLC. Yesterday it was sounding decidedly unhealthy during the spin cycle (at first I thought a plane was taking off at the nearby airfield) and when it finally stopped, there was a slight burnt smell which I suspect might be the motor. I haven’t dared use it since (need Michael to have a look at it when he has time). Fortunately, with the in-laws being away, we’re needing to pop round twice a day to feed the cat and so I can use their washing machine instead.

A walk in the woods

It’s been a busy day of sorting out boxes in the spare room (I’m starting to pack some things in boxes in anticipation of finding a house and moving!) but it was good to take time out this afternoon and go for a walk. The lido was completely packed (not too surprising on a sunny Sunday afternoon) but it was much quieter once I was in the woods and away from all the families who were also enjoying the sunshine. Sometimes it’s good to be alone and have time to think and just enjoy the beauty of a spring afternoon.

How not to impress potential house-buyers...

I did wonder if the skirt was a little bit too figure-hugging when I put it on this morning. After all, I don’t quite have the flat tummy I had a few years ago but Michael assured me it looked fine (he usually tells the truth whether I like it or not!). Off we went to look at a house and all was well until the estate agent got chatting to me about my job and said “so, you’re having a little one of your own then.” Needless to say, the skirt is now going in the charity shop pile.

Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive

Negative comments and criticism often seems to hold more weight than positive feedback. Unkind remarks, criticism, hurtful comments – all these take root, echoing round and round in our heads. Compliments, on the other hand, seem to be forgotten much more quickly – sometimes even dismissed instantly. Are we afraid to take them on board because we are afraid of becoming conceited, or just because we don’t really believe them? I once started keeping a “compliments book” to try and help me focus on the positive words not the negatives. Five years on, I’ve still only managed to fill a few pages.

When not to write...

I should really know better by now than to try and write my 100 words just before bedtime when I’m tired and feeling frazzled and my creative energy is at its lowest. I think I end up leaving it so late because I’m hoping that I can write about something that happened during the day but when it’s been a fairly ordinary day (go to work, come home, have dinner and watch TV, go to bed), there’s not a lot to write about and I can’t remember what it was that I’d thought of writing about earlier in the day.

Posters and politics

One of the good things about the forthcoming election is the spoof posters being circulated online. Particularly the ones taking off the “I’ve never voted Tory before, but...” style posters. My personal favourite is “I’ve never voted Tory before because I’m 7 and I like the Power Rangers.” In terms of poster coverage, the Tories seem to have the upper hand though – I can’t remember seeing a single memorable poster for the Labour party and even the spoof anti-Tory ones still bring the focus back to the Conservative Party. My vote isn’t likely to be swayed by poster campaigns though...

Full of the joys of spring

Spring seems to have finally arrived – what a beautiful day it has been. The sun has been shining, the trees are covered in blossom, the daffodils I planted two years ago have finally made an appearance in my garden, I’ve been able to put washing on the line and best of all, the traffic has been free-flowing resulting in stress-free journeys to and from work. Plus hubby came home from work earlier than expected so we get to spend the whole evening together. Will the good vibes last through to tonight’s pub quiz? It’s been ages since our team won.

Catching up and crash-landings

I seem to end up working most bank holidays so it made a nice change for Michael and me to both have the day off and be able to spend it together. We went to visit a couple of friends for lunch followed by Michael flying his helicopter in the local park which unfortunately was also followed by Michael crash-landing his helicopter and breaking the blades (fortunately the crash-landing looked worse than it actually was and the damage wasn’t too extensive). It didn’t stop the helicopter flying though – the rest of the afternoon was spent flying the little indoor ones.

Easter activities

The day started well – a lovely early morning walk with some people from church (and our minister’s very cute, very friendly Labrador puppy who was very excited about going for a walk with everyone, but much less keen on going on his first bus ride to get to the start point!) followed by breakfast at church before the morning service. I did an Easter egg hunt with my Junior Church group before going in for the second half of the service where we decorated the cross with white flowers in memory of loved ones who are no longer with us.

Dismantling the labyrinth

There were a few more visitors to the labyrinth today thanks to the coffee morning and Phil and Tany also came over to have a wander through the labyrinth and then pose for a few photos for the website (plus a couple of comedy ones which won’t be on the website!) Most of the afternoon was spent dismantling it all – fortunately lots of willing helpers (where were they all when we were building it?!) and so it was very quick – had I not suggested trying some atmospheric lighting for tomorrow’s service, we would have been done and dusted by teatime.

Easter labyrinth

When I left the labyrinth earlier this morning it wasn’t quite at the finished stage – tools still lying about, stations not completely set up, lighting not fully programmed. It looked good, but seeing the end result yesterday was even better. Michael has done an amazing job at turning Elizabeth’s (our minister) plans into reality and even though there weren’t that many visitors yesterday (town was a little quiet in general), the ones who did come found it very striking, and thought-provoking. Hopefully they will tell their friends so that we have more visitors tomorrow and coffee morning should also help.

Building a labyrinth

I’ve been helping Michael build this year’s Easter labyrinth at church. Last year, the labyrinth was constructed using chairs to mark out the route – it worked, but looked a bit like a furniture warehouse. This year, Michael is on board and therefore we have lots of staging and fancy lighting (which also means a lot more work was involved!) I spent nearly all of last night at the church helping with labyrinth construction (and dozing on a chair when not needed). Pulling an all-nighter when on call is probably not the brightest idea though – fingers crossed for no babies tonight!