Missing my bump

I'm overjoyed to finally have my new baby girl but there is a part of me that misses my baby bump. I miss feeling all of those little wriggles inside me, seeing those little movements. I miss the feeling of new life inside me, the joy and the privilege of being able to carry a child. I miss catching a sideways glimpse in the mirror and the feeling of admiration and amazement at how my body could expand. I miss the feeling of being so constantly and completely connected with my baby. Pregnancy is such an amazing and special time. 

Too much knowledge...

Whilst my experience of being a midwife has generally been very good for preparing me for motherhood, there are definitely times when it has not been so helpful. I know some of my fear during the transition stage in labour was due to remembering various problems encountered during some of the births I'd attended as a midwife. It also means there are times when I'm struggling with something, such as trying to get the hang of breastfeeding again and it takes me a long time to ask for help because I feel like I should know what I am doing! 

Comparing

Things are very different this time around. We are enjoying all being cocooned at home together and having a little 'babymoon' whereas last time we spent our days on PICU looking at Jessica in an incubator as she recovered from open heart surgery. I am recovering so much better from giving birth because I can take time to rest which I couldn't do before. We also couldn't give Jessica cuddles at this stage and I remember how unnatural it was to be separated from her so much. Am grateful for it all though as it helped get her here today.

Adjusting to being four

So amazing to think we are now a family of four. Just feeling so very blessed to have our two beautiful little girls and enjoying getting to know our little bundle of joy. Jessica is adjusting well to being a big sister - she wants to keep giving Sophie cuddles and kisses which is absolutely adorable. When asked 'do you love your little sister?' she gives a big grin and nods. It is just lovely to watch. There have of course been a few moments when you can see she's realising that her world has changed but she is doing well.

Pod is here!

We are thrilled to announce that Pod has arrived! Baby Sophie Elizabeth was born in the pool at home this morning and weighs in at 8lb 10.5oz – a whole 3lb heavier than her big sister was at birth! Jessica has been absolutely fascinated with her little sister – she met her within a few minutes of Sophie’s arrival and kept saying ‘baby’ over and over again and wanting cuddles and kisses with her. We have had such a lovely first day with the new addition to our family – Sophie is absolutely gorgeous and we are so thrilled to finally meet her.

Firework frustration

I’m sure that when I was a child, fireworks were generally only set off on the Saturday after Hallowe’en, the 5th November, during Diwali and New Year’s Eve.  Now it seems that for several weeks from about this point in October, somebody seems to be setting off fireworks somewhere in the local area almost every night.  It is very annoying, particularly when your toddler is just dropping off to sleep and a neighbour decides to start having his own fireworks display causing bedtime to become very disrupted and prolonged.  It must be a nightmare if you have pets as well.

Concert planning

I’m involved in organising a Christmas concert at church which will be fundraising for Friends of PICU, a charity which helps support children in intensive care at Southampton General Hospital and their families. Thankfully my mother-in-law is also involved in organising this so I can take a bit more of a back seat once Pod arrives but am still planning on taking part in the concert (not entirely sure that this is really very sensible of me given that I will have a very small baby and a toddler to look after!) Oh well, at least it keeps me busy!

Ready for half term break

Next week is half term which means that the toddler groups we go to regularly will not be on.  I wasn’t sure that I’d manage to take Jessica to her regular groups right up until the half term break given Pod’s due date but we’ve managed to get to all of them.  I’m glad we made it to Tiny Talk this morning as it was a fancy dress session and Jessica got to wear the Sully costume I bought her for a fancy dress party earlier in the year (which she missed due to ending up in hospital with gastroenteritis).

Location, location

One of the things I love about where I live is being so close to all the village amenities. The infant school and children’s centre are both opposite my house, the junior school and nursery school are five minutes’ walk away as are the village shops (which include a bakery and pharmacy – the latter being particularly useful as Jessica has regular medication) and the doctor’s surgery is next door. The only downside is that getting out of the driveway can be a challenge at certain times of day when the road gets busy and sometimes people park blocking it altogether.

Testing out toys

One of the things I love about going to all the different groups with Jessica is the fact that she gets to play with different toys or try activities that she wouldn’t always get to do at home. She loves playing with sand (definitely not an indoor activity at home – although maybe we’ll get a sandpit for the garden next summer) and last week she took an interest in Play-Doh for the first time. It helps me know which toys to buy next as well as I can wait until she starts being ready for certain toys before getting them.

Good news

I’ve been getting anxious over the last few days as two of my lovely independent midwife friends are currently providing my midwifery care and it was looking like they wouldn’t be able to provide intrapartum care after 25 October due to the EU directive requiring them to have professional indemnity insurance (currently unavailable). Thankfully the Nursing and Midwifery Council have confirmed that independent midwives can continue practising as normal until early next year and so I can now relax knowing my friends will still be able to be my midwives even if Pod wants to wait another couple of weeks!

No place like home

As my due date gets closer, I find that I don’t want to travel too far away from home. We were invited to an afternoon tea and quiz that friends of ours are involved in organising but it is over an hour’s drive away from home. It’s not very far really, and whilst it would be lovely to see that group of friends, I just feel more comfortable staying within a few miles of home ‘just in case’. I do miss going to visit my family (again, an hour’s drive away) but at the moment, there’s no place like home!

Happy 80th birthday Dad

If my dad had still been alive, today would have been his eightieth birthday. It’s been nearly four years since he passed away. I had been half-hoping that Pod would arrive today but it seems that Pod would prefer not to share his or her grandads’ birthday. Grandads plural – it is also Michael’s dad’s sixty-sixth birthday today. I wish my dad could have been around to see my children – family was so very important to him and he loved birthdays especially because everyone came in to see him and he just loved being surrounded by his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Gender guesses

We decided not to find out Pod’s gender at the 20 week scan and so we have been getting lots of guesses from our friends and family as to whether we are expecting a boy or a girl. Earlier on in my pregnancy, the balance was tipped slightly in favour of a girl but now there has been a definite swing in favour of a boy. Whether this is due to the shape of my bump, or the fact we already have a girl or just gut feeling from people, who knows. We’re looking forward to finding out very soon!

Ponderings on plants

I’m not very good with plants.  Houseplants rarely last very long with me – I forget to water them and then I overwater them when I do remember.  I was telling a friend about this a couple of days after my birthday earlier this year and was a bit embarrassed when she then presented me with a pot plant for my birthday!  I think that has helped motivate me a little to try harder to keep this particular plant alive – so far it is still going strong and still has flowers on it – this may well be a record for me!

More nesting

Thankfully last night was a much better night sleep-wise and I have more energy today.   Which is great, as the nesting instinct has kicked right back in and I have ended up cleaning the entire house from top to bottom as well as getting all the ironing done.  That aside, there are no other indications that Pod is ready to arrive just yet – hopefully he or she will hold off for a couple of days as Michael is working away on an event at the moment and is a couple of hours’ drive away (which makes me a little anxious!)

The 'Anxious Awaiters'

They've started. The phone calls to 'see how I am', 'any twinges yet?' Despite my due date not being until the end of the month, it seems people are anxiously awaiting some signs that Pod's arrival is imminent. So far they've been disappointed. As far as I can tell Pod appears to be very comfy still and in no hurry to be evicted from the big mamma house. Which is fine. Pod will come when he or she is ready. And in the meantime I will make the most of being able to have one to one time with Jessica.

Insomnia

I've been suffering from insomnia quite a lot over the last few days. Most nights I seem to wake in the early hours and then be unable to get back to sleep for at least a couple of hours. It's not that I struggle too much to get comfortable or even Pod bouncing on my bladder that is keeping me awake - just that I can't seem to turn off my busy brain and go back to sleep and even my hypnotherapy CD doesn't really help. I guess it is nature's way of preparing me for going back to disturbed nights.

Thirteen on the thirteenth

It is thirteen years today since my hubby and I first got together. It was a Friday 13th just a few hours after I left the house declaring that I enjoyed being single and was going to stay single for a while. I’d never thought of Michael as anything but a good friend but something changed that night and within a few days I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It’s not always been an easy road but we’ve travelled it together and hopefully we’ll continue to do so for many more years.

Saturday coffee mornings

I love the Saturday coffee mornings at my church.  Each week, someone different organises them – usually in aid of a charity close to their hearts (we usually organise two or three each year for the charities that have helped us since Jessica’s diagnosis).  Sometimes there are cakes, other times just tea, coffee and biscuits but we always have a lovely sociable morning and Jessica loves going along to church.  It is such a familiar environment for her – she knows where the toys are and I can sit and chat and just watch her play, knowing that she will be safe.

A little trip to A&E

As the weather was nice this morning, I thought it would be good to take Jessica to the park. Unfortunately on the way home, she tripped and fell on her face resulting in quite a nasty cut on the inside of her lip. After discussion with the cardiac nurse about the risks of endocarditis, it was decided we should head in to hospital to get it checked out and so we had an unexpected trip to A&E. Thankfully, it didn’t need any stitches and the doctors don’t feel that Jessica needs antibiotics so hopefully it will heal without any problems.

A little bookworm

I have always loved books and it seems that Jessica has inherited my love of books too which is great because they are very easy to keep in the change bag for keeping her occupied when we are out and about. Over the last few days she has discovered she can reach the books on the chest of drawers next to her cot. It's great because she'll happily sit and look at them when she wakes up and I get to doze for a little while! Am making the most of the extra sleep while I can still get it!

One of those days...

Why is that there are some days when absolutely everything seems to go wrong or at least be a lot more difficult than it really should be?  Yes, I know mental attitude makes a difference – making things seem to be a problem that really wouldn’t be seen as such in a more positive frame of mind but even allowing for that today has really been quite a trying day.  Jessica has been generally adorable throughout though which has helped as has a nice long soak in the bath once she was tucked up in bed.  Oh well, tomorrow’s another day…

The joys of online shopping

I love online shopping. I never tried it before I became a mum but it is much easier to order groceries online and get them delivered than to traipse around the supermarket with a toddler. It also means I'm much more likely to stick to my shopping list rather than buy things on a whim or because they are on special offer (when I wouldn't normally buy them). Plus with some supermarkets I can do my shopping using the app on my phone which is particularly useful when Jessica wants me to sit in her room until she falls asleep!

Lunchtime challenges

All of our downstairs rooms are on the small side and having the pool set up means the dining room is pretty much out of action at the moment. The table has been folded down and put away as have the chairs and there is just about enough room to put the highchair up with me sitting on the piano stool during dinner. It did make having a friend and her toddler over for lunch somewhat challenging - in the end we had a little picnic on the lounge floor which worked fairly well even if it was a bit messy! 

A brief moment of panic

I'm now at the stage of pregnancy where dropping the laundry basket on my big toe whilst sorting out the washing upstairs and yelping resulted in my hubby running upstairs in rather a hurry to 'see if I was alright'. I think he was worried that I'd gone into labour all of a sudden and was quite relieved when I reassured him that everything was fine. didn't notice the popping but loved listening to you sing with me - lovely voice, thanks for joining :-) despite the fact that dropping the laundry basket on it hurt quite a bit, my toe is absolutely fine and is barely even bruised. And I definitely haven't gone into labour just yet!

A very productive day

It has been a very productive day.  We have bought a new car seat for Jessica, put the birthing pool back up again (the replacement heater arrived yesterday and so far seems to be okay, fingers crossed!), and started filling it up.  The pram cover is washed, the muslins have been washed and ironed, and I have finished the little pile of mending (although sewing is really no fun with carpal tunnel!).  Nesting has definitely kicked in!  I’m not in a hurry for Pod to arrive but I am at least feeling fairly ready for his or her arrival now.

Musings on milk

I’ve been taking part in an online debate about wet nursing and giving donor milk (neither of which I’m opposed to – Jessica had donor milk when she was first born and I have donated several litres to a milk bank). It’s a shame that such debates often result in women attacking other women because of how they choose to feed their babies though. I know breast is best but would never judge anyone for choosing formula. Jessica was breastfed for 17 months but had formula too for various reasons relating to her heart condition so I can appreciate both sides.

National Poetry Day - The Birthing Pool

Well today is National Poetry Day
And water is the theme
So I could write about a river
Or a puddle, or a stream
But I thought about my birthing pool
And all the havoc it did wreak
When we found the floor was soaking
‘Cos the pool had sprung a leak
Now the room is like a sauna
Thanks to the big dehumidifier
And we’re waiting for replacement parts
From the birthing pool supplier
While the carpet slowly dries out
And the pool is out of action
We hope that baby stays put
And won’t start off a contraction

Pool dramas

It took a few attempts to get the birthing pool assembled (due to the padded floor mats which kept separating) but we finally got it put up and filled late last night.  Only to discover at 4am that the carpet was soaked.  The pipes we put together and checked were fine – it was the heater that was faulty and leaking.  So we had to pump out the water, take the pool apart again and try and dry the carpet.  We now have an industrial dehumidifier going to help dry the carpet and a replacement heater should be arriving on Friday.

Here we are in October already!

I can’t believe we are in October already and all being well, Pod should be making his or her appearance at some point later this month. The birthing pool arrived this morning so it is all starting to feel much more imminent now! I’ve enjoyed this pregnancy and whilst I am looking forward to meeting Pod, I am still quite happy to wait until Pod is ready rather than being impatient for his or her arrival. It is lovely to feel all those little movements and I think I will probably miss them for a few days after Pod arrives.