Sophie's first party

Sophie went to her first ever Christmas party today with her big sister. Jessica had a lovely time at the party – it was so lovely to see how much more she enjoyed it this year compared to last year, how she really was interested in the children’s entertainer and seeing Father Christmas and watching her dancing was delightful. Sophie was completely underwhelmed by her first ever party and slept through most of it. But still, it was lovely to have a day out as a family and to take our two girls to a party in their matching party dresses.

Cardiac check-up

Had Jessica's cardiology check-up today. They are quite spaced out now (about every five months) which I guess is quite a good sign although the community nurse visits us once a month to check Jessica's oxygen saturation levels and weight. All seems to be well today - Jessica's sats were a little low initially but then picked back up to the usual levels. She was very chilled out during the heart scan (having a DVD playing was very good distraction!) Apart from not being able to get a good view of Jessica's lung arteries, all looked good on the scan.

Bedtime bedlam

This week has been quite manic with hubby working late most evenings die to various events. On the plus side, he is no longer having to go away this weekend to work on an event - the thought of four days by myself was quite daunting. Bedtime has been the biggest challenge this week - trying to juggle getting Jessica off to bed while Sophie does her best to convince me that she hasn't been fed for ages (i.e. for at least twenty minutes anyway!) - wasn't the most relaxing bedtime we've ever had but am sure I'll get better at it!

Giving thanks

Whilst Thanksgiving isn't really celebrated in the UK, it is always good to stop every so often and focus on all that I am thankful for. Particularly in my current sleep-deprived state when it seems easier at times to grumble about what I don't have and would like (sleep, an extra pair of hands, hubby home for the bedtime routine etc.) So here are some things I am thankful for:

*my two beautiful daughters and my lovely hubby

*supportive friends and family

*faith

*the NHS - Jessica wouldn't be here without the wonderful medical care she has had so far

Writing challenges

For those taking part in NaNoWriMo this month, the challenge is coming to an end and my writing friends are starting to validate their word counts. For me, the much smaller challenge of writing 100 words each day has taken the place of trying to write a novel in a month. Finding time to write these days is not always easy, even when it's just 100 words. Sometimes I think it would be better to stop trying to keep up with it but it's good to keep writing regularly, even if it's just to have an outlet for my thoughts.

Thank you hubby

I have to admit that there are definitely times when I take my wonderful hubby for granted and don't appreciate everything he tries to do to help. Sometimes I seem only to focus on the things he doesn't do rather than be thankful for what he does. In the early hours of the morning when I am awake with the baby and wanting only to sleep, it is easy to resent the person snoring beside me and forget his willingness to get up early with our toddler so I can sleep a little longer. He's not perfect but he tries.

Musings of a mummy of two

I'm learning that I don't have to try and be Supermummy. That it's ok to ask for help, to admit that juggling two children is challenging and can be very stressful. I'm remembering how exhausting life with a newborn is, how nighttime sleep seems to go out of the window sometimes and just how important it is to try and rest when I can. I'm reminding myself of the coping strategies that I used before and trying to enjoy the cuddles in the middle of the night with a wakeful hungry baby because they really don't stay babies for long.

Countdown to Christmas

It has recently dawned on me that Christmas is only a month away and I haven't even started thinking about buying presents yet. Of course having a new baby is a very good excuse for not being organised but over the last few years somehow Christmas seems to sneak up on me almost without me realising. I'm never really quite ready to think about Christmas until October is through and so I wait and then all of a sudden I realise it's the end of November and I need to start shopping particularly if I want to order things online.

Support network

I've been feeling quite exhausted over the last few days. Juggling the needs of two small children is definitely a challenge! With hubby due to be working away on an event this is one of the times when I wish that I lived closer to my family.  Lots of cousins to Jessica to play with not to mention the fabulous social support network that they provide. It's not that I don't have a support network here. I do, but I'm not very good at tapping into it. It's so much easier to ask for help when it's your own family.

To thine own self be true

One of my writing resolutions for this year was to be more honest in writing. It's not always been an easy resolution to try and keep. Even in my own personal diary I tend to focus only on the positive things, to gloss over the times when I struggle and to paint life as being much more smooth sailing than it really is. Even when I am writing only for myself, the me I write about is often an airbrushed version rather than the true version. Nothing is perfect. So why do I often try to pretend that everything is?

Recovery time

Hubby has been unwell over the last couple of days. It's a classic case of man-flu which has required bedrest, paracetamol and lots of TLC. I'm lucky apparently as I don't tend to get 'that ill'. It's just as well - staying in bed is rarely an option for me - the girls still need looking after. To be fair though, I did get to have bedrest and be looked after for a few days after Sophie's birth whilst hubby was on paternity leave and it was very nice to be waited on and have time to recover from giving birth.

Juggling

Day 4 of being on my own with my two girls and the smug feeling of being Supermummy has abruptly disappeared. It was all going so well and then all of a sudden things get a little chaotic. Sophie is wide awake and hungry just as I'm trying to sort out Jessica's lunch and put her down for a nap. Trying to cook dinner seems impossible - both girls are demanding attention very loudly. Thank goodness for ready meals and takeaways! Bedtime becomes a big juggling act. I've discovered my juggling skills aren't quite as good as I thought they were!

A little bookworm

I love watching Jessica sitting on her chair and chatting away to herself as she 'reads' one of her books. She looks at the pictures and points out things that she can see. My favourite is when she sees a picture of a cat which she calls a 'meow meow'. I live the fact that at two years old, she is already a bit of a bookworm, that she already seems to have inherited my love of books. Some days she will go through every book in her bookcase. Such a joy to watch her enjoying so many different books.

Spoilers!

I have a tendency to flick ahead when I'm reading a book and find out how it ends. I then decide if I'm interested enough in the journey to continue reading! I'm the same with films and TV programmes - I like to know what's going to happen before I start watching. I tend to watch them a day late and read reviews and spoilers. I like to spot all the little things that I might not have noticed then had I not known the story. Thankfully for Michael, I never spoil it for him by revealing any of the plot!

Christmas concert concerns

Rehearsals are now underway for our Christmas concert at church. Despite trying to keep my involvement to a minimum (my original plan was just to do the carols and do a solo) I seem to be in quite a few numbers, several of which I don't really know so I have some learning to do! Michael is also taking part so trying to make time to get to rehearsal with a new baby and a toddler is fun! Hopefully it will go well and we will raise a good amount to support the intensive care unit where Jessica was treated.

Ballroom bliss

Michael and I first met each other through ballroom dancing lessons at university and got to know each other more when we competed against each other in acrobatic rock 'n' roll before we finally became a couple. We don't dance much now but we love watching Strictly Come Dancing and commenting on the performances. Watching this week's show which was in Blackpool was particularly enjoyable - it brought back memories of dancing together in the Tower Ballroom. Plus I particularly enjoyed Kevin and Susanna's paso doble - the paso doble is one of my favourite dances and their dance was just stunning.

Time with Nanny

Now that hubby is back at work, my mum has come up to stay for a few days to help out whilst I get used to being a mummy of two. Although my first day on my own went well, it is good to have mum here to help - particularly as it is a very busy week for hubby with events - I really would have been on my own as he has been working late and having to leave very early in the morning. It is also lovely for my mum to be able to spend time with her granddaughters.

Contingency plans

Last winter Jessica had a few trips to hospital and a couple of stays due to various bugs. With winter approaching once more, I find myself wondering what will happen should Jessica need to go to hospital this year. As Sophie is breastfeeding she should hopefully be able to stay with me should I need to accompany Jessica into hospital but this isn't guaranteed and so I have started expressing and introducing a bottle of EBM so that Sophie gets used to taking a bottle as well as the breast just in case she has to be away from me.

Busyness

This month seems to be full of different appointments and check-ups. Hearing checks, health visitor appointments, trips to the chiropractor, eye check-ups , cardiology appointments, visits from the community nurse, midwife appointments. It is so good having my mum here for a few days to help me get my girls out of the house and off to the various appointments or groups that we go to. Life is very busy at the moment but it is nice to be busy. Not that a little more sleep wouldn't 't be nice but being with my babies is such a joy.

First day on my own

Hubby's paternity leave has come to an end and he is back at work so I have had my first day on my own with both my gorgeous girlies. I wasn't looking forward to it - it has been lovely to have proper family time and I was also a bit apprehensive about how I would manage to juggle everything. As it turned out, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be - I think I found my first day home alone with Jessica more challenging. Hopefully today wasn't just an unusually easy day and things will continue this way!

Going out for the night

We had our first night out since Sophie's arrival last night - going out for a meal with a group of friends. When Jessica was a baby we used to take her with us but now that she has a more fixed routine, we can't really bring her along as it is too late for her and she would get grouchy and tired. Much better for her to have time with Grandma and go to bed at a sensible time! Sophie, however, has no fixed routine as yet and so came out with us and slept through most of the evening!

Family time

I love spending time with my family. I often wish that I lived a bit closer to them so I could see my mum, siblings, nephews and nieces more often (although being Miss Independent means there is a little part of me that likes the distance and having my own space!) Living further away means that often family members will come and stay for a few days which is always nice. I'm hoping that I'll have a few visits over the coming weeks - firstly so my family can meet Sophie but also because I know how helpful they will be!

Reality check

Giving Sophie a cuddle earlier, I was thinking about how Jessica is having to adjust to not getting my full attention and having to share Mummy and I said to Sophie "you'll never know what it is like not to have Mummy's full attention as you'll always have to share Mummy."  "You hope," Michael said quietly, pulling me up short. "We hope," I repeated, saying a silent prayer that Sophie will always have to share Mummy with Jessica. This is the reality of being a heart parent - those little moments when you are reminded that the future is always uncertain.

Adjusting

Although Jessica's reaction towards Sophie is stil very much wanting to hold her and give her kisses and cuddles, it seems the reality of having to share attention with her baby sister is starting to hit home. We are getting bouts of crying for no obvious reason, clinginess and refusing to do things (the word 'no' is a favourite for Jessica to use but results in tears when we use it!) Poor little love, her world has changed and it will take some time to adjust - lots of cuddles and patience needed to help her get through this transition period.

Partial paternity leave

It has been lovely having my hubby around over the last week or so, being on hand to help with Jessica and allowing me to rest and recover from Sophie’s birth. He has had to juggle quite a lot as one of the downsides of running a business has been not really being able to switch off and have proper paternity leave – he still has to sort out some work things each day. At least he has been able to be at home though and we have been able to have some proper family time together adjusting to being four.

Fireworks

It's been quite a while since I've been to a fireworks display - I think it was probably the year before Jessica was born. I've never really been a big fan of fireworks. Perhaps having a rocket come back down inches away from where I was standing when my in-laws had a fireworks display in their back garden has something to do with my aversion. I remember the next day the garden looked like the battle of Agincourt had taken place with all the rocket sticks sticking up everywhere. Seeing that was enough to put me off fireworks for life.

Little differences

Sophie's birth has now been registered so she is now all official. At this point in Jessica's life, she was back in theatre having the second part of her hybrid procedure which made for a very anxious day for us. So many differences - even in very little things. Taking Sophie's sleepsuit off, for instance, and feeling how warm her feet are. Jessica's feet are rarely warm apart from when it is really hot during the summer and we always had to put socks on her underneath her sleepsuits when she was a small baby which we don't do with Sophie.

Venturing out

Sophie is one week old today!  After spending the whole of the last week enjoying a bit of a babymoon and being snuggled up at home together, we finally ventured out into the world today to go to church and introduce Sophie to our lovely church family.  It was so lovely to go out as a family of four - both our girls were so good during the service - Jessica played happily on the floor with some toys and Sophie just slept through it all.  Our friend Brian came over in the afternoon and took some lovely family photos of us.

Looking back

Sitting watching Strictly Come Dancing this evening and remembering this time last week - feeling Pod wriggling away and having a few niggles. I remember stroking my bump and telling Pod to at least wait until it had finished before deciding to arrive. In the end, it all started just after the clocks went back. Watched Strictly tonight with beautiful Sophie in my arms which was lovely but part of me missed Pod's wriggles. Can't believe it has been nearly a week already since Sophie's birth - it has gone so fast, such a lovely week of being cocooned together at home.

Beautiful moments

I love all the little milky-drunk smiles that Sophie gives me after she has had a good feed - they are so beautiful and melt my heart every time. Watching Jessica with her baby sister is also so beautiful - Jessica is so very loving and affectionate and just wants to keep kissing and cuddling Sophie. Like most toddlers, she is a little too enthusiastic and we have to keep reminding her to be very gentle. Still haven't ventured out yet - just enjoying the beautiful moments and the feeling of being in our own little cocoon concentrating on our little family,