Finding comfort in dreams

Last night, I dreamed that my dad was still alive. It made me feel quite sad when I woke up to have to remember that he is gone. I remember fighting sleep on the night he died – I didn’t want to dream about what had happened and I didn’t want to dream that he was alive because I couldn’t bear the thought of waking up and having to face it anew. Now, I find it comforting in some ways to dream about Dad because for a short while he is with me again even if it is just an illusion.

Assignment avoidance tactics

My first creative writing assignment is due in in less than a week, but last night’s Eurovision Song Contest provided the perfect opportunity for procrastination. Assignment avoidance is all very well, but I think watching the whole of Eurovision and providing a running commentary via Twitter was probably taking it a little too far. Needless to say, the UK has done poorly once again. It perhaps wasn’t the best performance (a little flat in places) but I didn’t think it was the worst, but then we haven’t really done very well on Eurovision since we last won it in 1997.

Beading workshop

The third and final church craft day this month has been a beading day. I love beading days although they always end up being rather expensive because Anne-Marie always brings lots of lovely beads and even though I have enough to make lots of necklaces with, they never seem to be quite the right beads for the necklace I want to make at the time! It’s been a very productive workshop – I made three new necklaces and even managed to do a little bit more of my latch-hook rug towards the end of the session after I had finished beading.

Catching up on coursework

I’m looking forward to being on annual leave next week and being able to really focus on my writing coursework. I seem to have planned my upcoming blocks of annual leave very well as far as the course goes – the two assignments are both due towards the end of a holiday period which means I’ll have time to concentrate on them properly. I’m enjoying the course so far, although have discovered an unexpectedly strong ability to procrastinate and the course is also proving more time-consuming than anticipated. It’ll be good to have the time to catch up on it all.

Quality time

A night off, a nice glass of red wine, no rehearsals, meetings or anything else booked in the diary and hubby home at a reasonable time so we can actually sit down and eat dinner together – ah, this is my kind of evening. Despite both of us having quite unpredictable working hours and the variety of other activities which seem to eat up weekday evenings, we’re usually quite good at managing to make sure the time we do spend together is quality time. It’s nice to have a whole evening though rather than just an hour or so before bedtime.

Music and memories

Today is my mum and dad’s wedding anniversary. I have been thinking about and remembering my dad a lot today and feeling very sad. It’s been nearly six months since he died and I still miss him terribly. Whilst time has indeed been a healer, there are moments when the pain of losing him seems to hit hard again. Listening to David Jacobs on the radio for instance – all the music Dad loved, and I still love but now listening is bittersweet – it brings back some wonderful memories but always with the sadness that now they are all that remains.

Crawling around Chelsea

State Opening of Parliament + Chelsea Flower Show = one very slow, very stressful drive to the office. The last mile took me an hour – we were just crawling, bumper to bumper. Even my usual method of reducing the stress of traffic jams by using them to do something useful (such as learning French) didn’t seem to ease the frustration of being stuck and having no choice but to wait it out. Thank goodness the journey home was much better but I’ll try to remember to take the train the next time all the roads around Parliament Square are closed!

Trying to beat the traffic to get to a birth

Having accompanied a client into hospital to start off her induction last night, I was fully expecting this morning’s phone call when it came just before 7am. Just one small snag – her husband was asking me if I could try and be at the hospital for 8am. Given that I was now going to hit rush hour and last night’s journey with very little traffic took 45 minutes, this was always going to be a tall order. I managed to arrive by 8.30am though and had the pleasure of welcoming their beautiful baby girl into the world just before lunchtime.

Vocal exercise

Whew, it’s hot today. Thank goodness rehearsal just focused on singing today and not any dancing otherwise I think I might have melted. That said, singing was energetic enough – I’ve chosen a fairly dramatic solo for this year’s concert which requires lots of passion, energy and volume and so rehearsing that a couple of times feels like quite a lot of effort! It’s a bit of a change for me – I usually go for ballads which use the top end of my range and this song involves quite a bit of singing at the bottom of my register and belting.

To hug or not to hug

I once would have described myself as a very “huggy” person along with most of my friends in the ballroom dancing society – we would generally hug each other hello and goodbye. I guess it’s not too surprising – as ballroom dancers, we had to be comfortable making physical contact. Ten years later, I wouldn’t describe myself in that way at all. With Michael, my family and a handful of close friends, I still can be quite tactile and huggy, but otherwise, I’m rarely the one who initiates hugs and with people outside my immediate friendship group, they often feel quite awkward.

Thoughts about friendship

Some friendships last a lifetime; others just a time or a season. Sometimes friends will fade gradually out of your life; sometimes there is a definite endpoint to the friendship – a trigger or an event. There are friends with whom contact can be infrequent but when you do finally manage to catch up with each other, the conversation flows easily and naturally and it feels like you can pick up exactly at the point where you last left off. With other friends, time, space and distance seem to push a wedge between you and conversation becomes more of an effort.

The washing machine saga continues...

It’s now been 39 days since we had a working washing machine; 10 days since it went off for repair and I am now beginning to despair of ever having the washing machine back and functioning again. Thank goodness we have been able to use the in-laws’ washing machine a couple of times when things were really getting desperate. I have given up chasing the repairers – mainly because it just makes me very stressed and I end up wanting to shout at them – Michael is much better at staying calm and much better at getting answers rather than getting angry.

Card stitching

This month seems to be a busy one in terms of doing craft work at church with three craft sessions booked in. Today was the second craft session of the month, focusing on stitching various designs onto cards. I’ve managed to make three different cards today and they all look very pretty, but given that each card has taken me at least an hour to make, I suspect this is not going to be a technique that I end up using very often when making cards, unless I manage to find a very simple pattern that can be done quickly.

Resisting the lure of Facebook

I’m beginning to think that having another break from social networking sites would not be a bad idea. Checking Facebook and Twitter is becoming one of my main methods of avoiding focusing on the writing that I’m supposed to be doing for my course. Yes, they can be a good way of catching up with people and keeping in touch, but mostly I just waste time reading people’s updates. The trouble is, when I’m at the computer and trying to write, the temptation to just have a quick look is irresistible. Maybe I just need to set myself time limits...

Crafty sew-and-sews

I have learnt so many new skills through doing various craft sessions held at my church, such as glass painting and beading as well as various card-making techniques. The latest has been crazy patchwork and after three sessions, I have finally finished making myself a very pretty patchwork bag. I love going along to the craft sessions – not just for the satisfaction of creating something, but also because they are so sociable and friendly. We sit and chat as we are working on whichever project we are doing at the time, and help each other out whenever we get stuck.

Marvellous mechanics

Just as I was leaving an antenatal appointment this morning, one of the warning lights flashed up on my dashboard. I pulled over, turned the engine off and went to restart it. Nothing. The mechanic from the AA arrived, tried resetting the computer and disconnecting and reconnecting the battery – still nothing. Along comes the tow-truck and it’s off to my local garage with me thinking this is going to be expensive. They took one look, replaced two brake light bulbs and lo and behold, the car is now working again. And that is why I always take my car there!

Dan & Bev's wedding

Spent most of yesterday at Dan & Bev’s wedding. Dan used to work in the chemistry lab with Michael and duet with me on karaoke nights back in my university days. He is known as No-Shoes-Dan amongst my friends because he rarely wears shoes and walks barefoot even outside in winter. He did actually wear shoes with his morning suit (a fact that didn’t go unnoticed and unmentioned!) although had discarded them by the time he hit the dance floor in the evening. It was a lovely day and we enjoyed meeting new people and catching up with old friends.

A creature of habit

Late evening has always tended to be my preferred writing time. As a teenager, I would do most of my writing curled up in bed at the end of the day (occasionally waking up in the middle of the night feeling inspired and staying up until dawn writing stories). Despite my best intentions to sit down and write earlier in the day, old habits die hard and I still find that I have a tendency to write late at night. Maybe that’s because it’s quieter, my brain is no longer trying to be busy and I can stop and think.

Diversions and distractions

Michael is in Amsterdam working on an event until tomorrow, but my older sister Loraynne has come to stay for a few days so I’m not feeling too lonesome. Mind you, I’m not sure I actually have the time to spend actively missing my hubby when I have so much to do – week 2 of the creative writing course and I am beginning to realise just how much writing I am expected to do! I’m also beginning to realise that I can be very easily distracted and I really have to focus. Maybe I should go Facebook-free for a while...

Bridge building

Wednesday evenings remain a challenge. Sometimes I wonder why I go along to rehearsal when getting in the car to go fills me with dread but I know I can’t walk away without doing my best to get rid of the cloud hanging over it all. It’s getting better though. I’m working on trying to be more open, trying to be more approachable, trying to bite back the grouchy comments that still lurk beneath the surface. I focus on the positive feedback from others – the occasional friendly smile, the brief chatty conversation. Slowly, but surely, the bridge is being rebuilt.

Still waiting for a working washing machine...

I have to confess that I have a deep distrust of most workmen. Maybe I have been swayed by too many stories in the media but I am always quite suspicious that they take advantage of the fact that I am female and know very little about the item needing repairing and overcharge me as a result (which is why I try and ensure Michael is around if possible!) The recent saga of the washing machine has done little to dispel this suspicion, particularly after two days of waiting in for the repairman and still not having a working machine.

Machines and massages

Having waited in for someone to come and look at my washing machine (spent 20 minutes taking it apart and then said he needed to come back later), this afternoon’s Indian head massage was much needed. I was so chilled, I was walking around town afterwards feeling like I was in a half-drunken daze. The super-chilled feeling lasted a couple of hours until the repairman called to say he wasn’t coming back today and will need to take the machine away for a few days to get it fixed. In the meantime, the washing pile is taking on mountainous proportions.

A forgetful moment

Most people can be forgiven for occasionally forgetting the birthday of a sibling. However, when the said sibling is actually a twin, it’s a little harder to come up with a good excuse for forgetting. Not that I actually forgot my twin’s birthday. It’s just that I managed to leave the flat and head home to spend the afternoon with her, leaving all her cards and presents behind and remain oblivious to this fact until the moment the car turned into her road. Fortunately, she was quite understanding about it all and we did have a lovely birthday meal together.

Distractions and diversions

Procrastination. Most writers have some avoidance tactics to help them put off actually starting to write. For me, it’s usually Facebook that provides a diversion from writing. It’s amazing how much more I can achieve if I can just stop myself from logging on in the first place. Housework is my other distraction. I know I need to write, but hang on isn’t that dust over there? Oh and I just need to tidy up that pile of paperwork, wash up the cups and straighten up the cushions. And then write a to-do list of everything I plan to achieve...

Hang it all

So, the election is over and done with and I don’t think the result has really come as a great surprise to anybody. We have, as predicted, ended up with a hung parliament with the Tories winning the greatest number of seats. What is interesting is that all the media coverage of Nick Clegg has not improved the Lib Dem's share of the vote at all. It has still been a two-party race. It will be interesting to see how things unfold over the coming days and see whether the political parties can actually manage to work together for once.

Two years of 100 words

It’s been two years and three days since I started this blog. I’ve become more disciplined at keeping to the daily target over the last year or so, having only missed three days last year and none so far this year. I’m now up to 701 entries – so 701,000 words in total (if only I could manage to have the same level of discipline with trying to write a novel, I’d have finished it by now!) It’s not always been easy (writer’s block does seem to hit more frequently than I’d like it to!) but I’ve managed to keep going!

A surprisingly successful evening

Heading off to rehearsal feeling like a pressure cooker is usually a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Especially as I spent the journey there on the phone to Michael ranting about how rehearsal was going to be a disaster and ignoring his advice to turn the car around and come home before I started burning my bridges yet again. Fortunately, I seem to have learnt some degree of self-control over the last few weeks and managed to resist the temptation to become all prickles and keep everyone at arm’s length. It turned out to be a good rehearsal after all – phew!

The joy of sleep

After two nights of very little sleep (other than an occasional short cat-nap), being able to get into a nice warm bed this morning, curl up under the covers and finally get some shut-eye was sheer bliss. Even though it was just two hours of uninterrupted sleep, it was wonderful. I love my job but sometimes things get very busy, sleep feels like a luxury and I feel like I’m pushing the levels of exhaustion to their limits. It makes me appreciate the importance of being able to sleep, and sleep well. Fingers crossed for a good night’s sleep tonight.

A blast from the past

A gap between visits meant that having some time to sit in a west London coffee shop with a latté, relaxing and watching the world go by. As I got up to leave, I almost collided with a woman on her way in. A woman who looked quite familiar; she clearly recognised me too. It was an old friend whom I’d worked with in a clothes shop back home over 13 years ago. Fortunately I did remember her name –but who would have thought I’d bump in to an old friend from back home in a small suburban coffee shop?

Rug-making

The last one took me over 6 years to complete, but my second rug-making project has been finished in just over 4 months. Admittedly, it is somewhat smaller than the first one but I’ve also been a lot more focused this time and with the prospect of moving house in the not-too-distant future looking more and more likely, I’ve had a lot more impetus to keep working at it. I’ve now made a start on another rug kit that Michael bought me for Christmas – this one is a bit bigger so am not expecting to finish it quite as quickly!

Putting the name to the face

Social gatherings are great, but sometimes you end up chatting to people you’ve only met once or twice and spend half the conversation trying to remember who they are whilst hoping they’ll say something to jog your memory. I remember chatting to a friend in the student union and just couldn’t think where I knew her from. It was beginning to bug me so I said “I’m really sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.” My friend glared at me and replied “It’s Tessa, and you only lived with me for two years!” I’ve never dared admit to forgetting a name since!