2009: the highs

Looking back over 2009, the good points are summarised as follows:
• Our amazing wedding day back in July – definitely the high point of the year!
• Lots of other weddings (5 all together) – being a bridesmaid at 2 of them.
• 2 new great-nephews (Jake and Steven) and 1 new nephew (Jayden).
• Fabulous honeymoon in Switzerland – enjoying basking in the sunshine and then playing in the snow all in the same week.
• Holiday in Malta where I finally seem to have conquered my fear of flying.
• Playing Laurey in Oklahoma! back in March
• Reducing my caseload and becoming more office-based at work.

2009: the lows

2009 is drawing to a close. It has been quite a mixed year for me – bringing some of the happiest moments of my life as well as the saddest. Looking back over the year, in some ways it is hard to see past the sadness of the last month, having to say goodbye to my lovely dad. Trying to adjust to life without Dad around and accept that he has gone has been incredibly hard, and there are moments when it doesn’t seem real and life carries on as normal and then moments when it hits me all over again.

Return of the cleaning monster

Am feeling much better again which is good, although feeling better brought with it an increasing awareness that the flat had been looking decidedly untidy for a few days. Michael had been enjoying a couple of days of being able to make a mess without being nagged about tidying up afterwards but of course, it couldn’t possibly last and he did at least try and do some tidying this morning in an effort to ward off the Cleaning Monster (an difficult task at the best of times). The flat now looks lovely and clean and domestic harmony reigns once again.

Introduces baby Jayden

The stork has brought the third and final family baby of 2009 – my new nephew Jayden Shay who was born yesterday evening weighing in at 7lb 3oz. His arrival means that my brother Peter and sister-in-law Sam now have their own potential future five-a-side football team plus a cheerleader (they now have five boys and a girl). I suspect it will be a few days before I get the chance to meet him (swine flu is not something I want to pass on to a newborn) and haven’t seen a photo yet but hopefully will get to see him soon.

Swine flu

Having spent most of the Christmas period feeling decidedly under the weather, it appears that I have come down with swine flu (according to the National Flu Pandemic website anyway). So having had a fair amount of time off this month on compassionate leave and been due to be back at work today, I’m now off sick for a few days which is lousy timing and even though it can’t be helped, I do feel bad that the rest of the team have to cover me yet again. Plus I have to miss tomorrow’s Chinese meal with some university friends.

Boxing Day

Having spent Christmas Day with my family, we have been spending Boxing Day with Michael’s parents – a much more sedate experience due to a considerably smaller family and no children being around! I have to confess that I prefer spending Christmas Day with my family as I like to be around the children and see their excitement but there are no such expectations on my part on Boxing Day and so it has been a pleasant, if quiet, day, mostly spent watching old films on TV and starting my next hooked rug project (one of my Christmas presents from Michael).

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Christmas is just that little bit more magical when seen through a child’s eyes which why I love spending Christmas Day with my nieces. Seeing their excitement each time they open a present is just wonderful. Once the presents are opened, the adults spend half the afternoon trying to assemble various toys (whilst wishing that the diagrams in the instructions bore some resemblance to the pieces in front of them!) It’s been a fairly merry Christmas after all – we have all missed Dad terribly this year but have done our best to enjoy the day as he would have wanted.

Carols round the piano

One of the things I used to love about Christmas at home was singing Christmas carols around the piano and so Michael and I had a sing-song around the piano this evening whilst my mum wrapped presents. Dad would have loved to have been there to listen or join in with the singing, particularly with his favourite carol “Silent Night” and it was nice to start feeling more festive and start enjoying Christmas, which is what he would have wanted us to do. Tomorrow Mum, Michael and I will be spending the day with my twin sister and her family.

Goodbye, Daddy

It was a good send off – so many friends and family there to say goodbye to Dad that it was standing room only. It was so hard to say goodbye but we all supported each other and helped each other through. I have so many beautiful memories of my dad – travelling to church on my wedding day where I just kept squeezing his hand, me stretching out my arms to show how much I love him and him saying “twice around”, watching musicals whilst eating cheese and biscuits together. I am so lucky to have had such a wonderful dad.

Preparing to say goodbye

The journey down to be with my family was much easier than expected (I suspect everyone else has been having a snow day). Whilst it is good to be with my family over the Christmas period, I have been dreading the trip down home because tomorrow is my dad’s funeral. There have been moments of feeling numb over the last couple of weeks, and moments when the reality that my dad has gone hits me, but tomorrow we will be saying our final goodbyes to the best dad anyone could ever have and it is going to be so hard.

Snow stops everything

The trouble with living in a country where snow doesn’t happen all that often is that when it does happen, despite the weather forecasters predicting it for several days, we are still completely unprepared and the result is complete and utter chaos. It took me 45 minutes to travel two stops on the tube this evening although that paled into insignificance when I heard that Michael’s colleague was still heading home at 11pm after leaving work at 5pm (a journey that normally would take 90 minutes). I hope we can manage to get back down to see my family tomorrow.

Attempting to find some Christmas spirit

Christmas shopping has been so much harder this year. Lots of little things in the shops reminding me of Dad – presents that he would have liked, the games we used to play, things like that. Buying family Christmas cards almost had me in tears – buying a card to “Mum” instead of “Mum & Dad”. And yet, I’m trying to get into the Christmas spirit just a little bit because Dad always loved Christmas and he would have wanted us to try and enjoy it. And so, the Christmas music was playing in the background whilst the presents were being wrapped.

Bah humbug

Leaving some of my Christmas shopping until the last Saturday before Christmas was not a good plan. I’m usually more organised and get the Christmas presents bought and wrapped early but unsurprisingly Christmas has not been high on my priorities list this year. That said, Christmas is going to happen whether I feel festive or not (currently not – I went to a carol concert yesterday and decided I would rather help out in the kitchen than join in with the carol singing). Still, at least the Christmas shopping is now done and I’ll be spending Christmas day itself at home.

End of an era

It was very sad to listen to Wake Up to Wogan for the final time this morning – it’s been one of my favourite things to listen to on the radio for the last few years. I made the switch from Radio 1 to Radio 2 back in 1995 because listening to Terry Wogan on the breakfast show was a much better option than listening to Chris Evans on Radio 1. It’s quite ironic then that Chris Evans is taking over the breakfast slot, although he has gradually grown on me since presenting the drivetime slot for the last 4 years.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

There’s just something about snow that makes me feel like a big kid. After spending the evening with my best friend, suddenly stepping outside and unexpectedly seeing a winter wonderland and snow falling outside was just magical. In true girly fashion, we both shrieked at each other and then had to run outside (despite me wearing slippers and no coat) Snow at this time of year is even better (a repeat performance this time next week would be good!) – after (unsurprisingly) not feeling remotely festive recently, seeing the snow made the festive spirit return if only for a few moments.

New arrivals

While I was off the pager last week, everything stayed very quiet and so consequently this week it has all gone a bit mad on the baby front. I blame yesterday’s new moon for this sudden rush of new arrivals. It’s left everyone feeling a little frazzled, and I suspect it has not been helped by me needing a little more support than usual (particularly when my client needed to go to hospital and I ended up handing over to one of the other midwives because I’m just not feeling up to being able to support someone in that environment).

Running on empty

It’s looking like the next couple of days are going to be very busy on the work front, the prospect of which has left me feeling a little overwhelmed. I’m feeling quite exhausted generally at the moment, despite having fewer problems sleeping at night and not quite sure whether I have any emotional energy reserves left with which to help support any labouring women. I suspect that I’ll be relying on Red Bull and adrenaline to get me through if I get called out at any point. Fingers crossed that I can manage to get some sleep tonight at least.

Return to "normality"

Back to being on-call today and taking the first steps back towards returning to “normality”. Thankfully, the pager has stayed fairly quiet so far – my biggest fear at the moment is not being called out to a birth, but having to accompany a client into hospital – fortunately my colleagues are all being very supportive. I popped into church this morning to help with putting up the Christmas decorations – it was hard walking into church and having to face people outside of my family but everyone has been so lovely. I’m just taking each day as it comes at the moment.

Returning home

Coming back home for the first time since losing Dad felt really strange but was easier than I’d anticipated, although it was hard to leave my family – being around everything that reminded me of Dad was comforting. My lovely husband had thoroughly cleaned the flat and was there at the door when I arrived ready with a big hug. He has been a tower of strength to me over the last few days and I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful husband to help support me, particularly when I am away from the rest of my family.

Hiding from the pain

Over the past couple of days, I have spent a lot of time feeling angry at my in-laws for not phoning which made me feel like they didn’t care; when they did call, their explanation that they had been too upset to call only angered me more. Today, I feel like I have been using that anger as a shield for my own grief and hiding behind it; as my anger starts to ebb away with the realisation that it was really just tactlessness and not deliberate thoughtlessness, the pain and longing for my dad is now beginning to emerge.

Feeling numb

I don’t think that it has really sunk in yet that Dad has gone. I spend most of my time feeling fairly numb to be honest, or feeling tired. It tends to sink in a little more at night when most of the family have left and then I have a bit of a cry, but during the day, I find myself wandering around, not really knowing what to do with myself. I’m dreading the next time I have to go into a hospital with a client because I think it will all come back to me at that point.

Stopping time

We are all supporting each other as a family – everyone has been phoning each other and popping round to make sure we are all okay. I have such a lovely family – we are all here for each other which is so important at a time like this. We had a strange moment this morning – when my mum gave Dad’s watch to my brother, the watch was still running but the date hadn’t changed from 8th December, although it had always changed the date perfectly before. Dad was always checking his watch to make sure that it had the correct date.

At peace

My dad slipped peacefully away yesterday afternoon, just after 2pm with my mum, my sister Loraynne, myself and Michael there with him to hold his hand, give him a cuddle and tell him how much we all love him. We knew yesterday morning that there was really nothing more which could be done, that further treatments would only prolong his suffering and so the oxygen mask which was distressing him was removed and his breathing gradually slowed and eventually stopped. His last conscious act was to give my mum a kiss, and then he gently slipped away and was gone.

Waiting and praying

Dad has been moved to a side room and the team are doing what they can to ensure he is comfortable. We have been told to visit at any time (not a good sign) and his condition is described as “not good”. Every time the phone rings, I want to run away and hide; I want to wake up and find that this is all some awful dream. We are taking it minute by minute, hour by hour and praying as hard as we can for some glimmer of hope, whilst trying to accept and prepare ourselves for bad news.

Losing hope

In just 24 hours, a world can be turned upside-down. I came away from the hospital last night feeling quite positive – yes, Dad was quite poorly, but he was in the best place and I was hopeful that all would be well. Today, we have been told to prepare ourselves for the worst. The chest infection has become pneumonia, and the doctors are concerned that it could be lung cancer. He looked so ill lying in the hospital bed with an oxygen mask on, really struggling to breathe. I am so afraid of what the next 24 hours could bring.

Update on Dad

Being on a night off tonight meant I could get home and go to the hospital to visit my dad. He wasn’t looking too well this evening – still quite poorly and quite confused. He’s on oxygen at the moment and was very sleepy. Still, he is in the best place for him at the moment and at least the chest infection is now being treated – hopefully he will be feeling a little better tomorrow. I’m glad I could get home to be with him and my family – it is so hard being away from them all at times like this.

Dad in hospital again

My dad is in hospital again with a chest infection and fluid on his right lung. At the moment it looks like he will be in hospital for about a week (hopefully he will be home for Christmas though). It is at times like this that I find it hardest to be living as far away from my family as I do. It’s only about seventy miles but I can’t get home when I’m on call and so it does feel like I am further away sometimes, particularly as most of my siblings live within two miles of my parents.

The morning after

Being on-call during the office night out was annoying at the time – those margaritas that everyone else was drinking looked very appealing, but come the morning after when your colleagues arrive at work looking like death warmed up (and obviously feeling as bad as they looked), being on-call (and therefore hangover-free) becomes a good thing. I discovered a few years ago just how evil hangovers were after the age of 25 after a two day hangover, the result of having got rather merry at a family party. No night out is good enough to be worth that amount of hangover!

Office Christmas meal

Tonight was the Christmas meal for all the office girls, and so we went out to a trendy bar for a rather rowdy evening of champagne and cocktails (a few sips of champagne and non-alcoholic cocktails for me due to being on-call). We had such a fun night, it was just such a giggle to have a girls’ night out. There are six of us in the office – all of whom work part-time office hours and we all get on really well. It is so nice to feel like part of a team that really supports and encourages each other.

Life is a rollercoaster

Sometimes, life ticks along, keeping on an even keel. Things go wrong; you shrug your shoulders, sort yourself out as best you can and manage to keep smiling though it all. Then, out of the blue, the rollercoaster seems to start up again. Minor irritations become full-blown battles, somehow the sense of perspective has disappeared. One day everything seems wrong; the next, life seems to be just wonderful, then it’s not, and you wake up in the morning, and wonder which way the mood is going to head today. And wait for the next period of calm between the storms.

Christmas wrapping

These days, Christmas seems almost to start at the end of October (or at the end of August in the retail world!) but I always try to resist the urge to get in the Christmas mood at least until November is out of the way. Now that we’re in December, I feel like it’s finally okay to start listening to Christmassy music and start really getting into the Christmas spirit. I’ve got a few Christmas presents already (still got quite a few more to get though!) but I just have to have some Christmas music on whilst I’m wrapping them.

'Tis the season to be jolly

Advent is upon us and the Christmas season is now officially here! I love Christmas – the fun of finding the perfect gift for family and friends, carol singing, wishing people all the best for the season (instead of being grouchy because it’s cold and wet and wintry), hoping that it might just snow, lighting Advent candles, putting up the tree (Michael brought home a big tree this year – our first proper-sized Christmas tree!), midnight mass – a moment in the hustle and bustle to remember the true meaning of Christmas – and being able to focus on the things that really matter.

Medieval banquet

Our work Christmas party this year took place at The Medieval Banquet in St Katharine’s Dock which was so much fun. There was entertainment between each of the four courses – juggling, singing, dancing wenches; we bellowed out “Wench!” to summon our serving wench whenever we needed anything, drank soup directly from the bowl, banged the tables noisily to show our appreciation of the entertainment, toasted King Henry, wassailed almost every time we raised our tankers of ale and finished off the evening by returning to the 21st century and hitting the dancefloor. It was raucous and rowdy and highly enjoyable.

A night out

Going on a night out involves too much decision making sometimes. What to wear? Suddenly my wardrobe which is so full that I have taken over half of Michael’s wardrobe seems to contain very little clothes after all. How can I have that many clothes and still have nothing to wear?! Then deciding what to do with my hair (so much easier when I had short hair!), which shoes to wear… Michael just walks in, grabs a clean shirt and pair of trousers, puts on smart shoes and is done. The male approach to these things is so much simpler!

Helicopter havoc

Michael has a new model helicopter. It looks pretty much the same as his other small helicopter but apparently it requires more skill to fly it. Judging by the fact that he’s just flown it into my leg and shredded my tights, clearly he has yet to perfect the art of flying this one. It’s just as well he has another helicopter flying lesson tomorrow. One day I might be able to sit in the lounge and write without having to dodge small flying objects or feeling the need to remove all breakable items. Oh well, I love him anyway.

The Last 5 Years

We went to see a production of “The Last 5 Years” this evening. I’d never seen it before but I’d been given the CD soundtrack a couple of years ago and really loved the songs so when I found out that the show was being performed locally, I jumped at the chance to finally see it. It tells the story of a couple who meet, marry and eventually separate but told from both perspectives – one starting at the end of the marriage and working backwards and the other working forwards from the beginning. It was a good production – definitely recommended.

Being useful

I’m generally at my most content when I feel that I am being useful. I remember deciding when I was a teenager that if I couldn’t be popular, then being needed was the next best thing. This thought has pretty much been my life’s motto ever since: it’s when I feel like I have no purpose that I start feeling low. I’ve been playing the piano for rehearsals lately as our rehearsal pianist left and the new one has not yet started and I’ve really been enjoying because I suddenly feel useful again. It’s good to be enjoying rehearsals again.

Moody blues

One of my biggest flaws is my mercurial temperament – I can go weeks being calm and rational and then suddenly the mood swings flare up again over something fairly minor. Often it is something to do with the flat being messier than I like it to be (which is the case most of the time, but it doesn’t bother me that much when I’m calm). Michael tries to help but then I get irritated because he is doing things his way rather than mine. I need to learn to appreciate the helpfulness and not nit-pick at the method of implementation.

Lazy day

There are some days when I feel really productive and get lots of things done, and others when I seem to come down with a chronic case of can’t-be-bothereditis and doing anything at all feels like too much effort. Today has been one of the latter days, although on reflection, it has been a little productive – I have ordered a couple of Christmas presents online and started making a couple more presents. I shouldn’t beat myself up over having the odd lazy day – I can’t be super-productive all the time and sometimes I just need to sit down and relax.

Tap exam

Today was the dreaded tap exam – so I started the morning at a last-minute tap class going over the steps one more time before the exam in the afternoon. Fortunately, it went reasonably well – I had a blank moment in the timestep and forgot how to do a reverse timestep (just as the examiner was looking my way) but fortunately the rest of the routine was ok, and the rest of the exercises and two solo routines (jive at five and the dance) went reasonably well. We won’t get the results until after Christmas – fingers crossed they will be okay.

Church quiz

Michael and I were involved with hosting a quiz night at church this evening – in charge of sound, projection (for the scoreboard) and doing the marathon (US states and capitals) and music rounds. It seemed to go quite well although some of the questions were a little surprising and not very appropriate for a church quiz (for instance, “Who was the author of Fanny Hill?” – it seems we’re a clean-minded bunch though as no-one got the correct answer!) One of our pub quiz team-mates came along and was in the winning team; hopefully the winning streak will continue into Tuesday!

Back to baking

We have been without a working oven for several months mainly because neither of us had gotten around to doing anything about getting it fixed. I finally decided enough was enough and arranged for someone to come and repair the oven – they diagnosed the problem over the phone, brought the part needed to fix it and it took all of five minutes to get the oven working again, which left me wondering why I hadn’t done anything about it sooner. It’s been good to be able to start baking again and Michael has been enjoying the home-made muffins and brownies.

Finished product

It’s taken me six years and many hours of hard work, but I have finally finished making my hooked rug. It nearly got destroyed last year at the three-quarters-finished stage thanks to a little mouse who found it whilst I was having a break from working on it and decided to chew big holes in it. Fortunately, the damage was repairable – I had some spare canvas with which to patch the holes and then had to re-do those areas. I’m really pleased with the end result, especially as the patches are barely noticeable even on the underside of the rug.

A close shave

The beard is no more. A day of meetings with important clients meant that Michael finally felt it was time to shave it off. I was actually a little sorry to see it go. First went the beard, leaving just a moustache which definitely wasn’t a good look (I took a photo in case he is ever tempted just to grow a moustache) and then my husband was clean-shaven once more. And looking so much better, it has to be said. It was a novelty experience but when all is said and done, I think I prefer my husband beard-free.

Pre-tap exam tension

Holidays are great, but you never manage to sleep quite as well in a hotel as you do in your own bed. Having a good night’s sleep is just so lovely, waking up in the morning feeling refreshed, stretching out and then… suddenly getting a really bad leg cramp. Not the best way to wake up and it has left me with a very sore calf muscle all day, which was not so good considering tonight’s tap class is the last before Sunday’s exam. Still, I managed to get through the routines but am starting to feel a little nervous.

Babblings on beards

It had to happen sooner or later – after being clean-shaven all his life, Michael decided that being on holiday was a good opportunity to try to grow a beard. My first reaction was dismay as I’m not a big fan of beards (apologies to all my lovely bearded friends) but to my surprise, I quite like the novelty of seeing Michael with a beard (especially now that said beard is looking much more beard-like). That said, I won’t be sorry when he eventually decides to shave it off – despite the novelty, I think he really looks much better without it!

Malta - day 8: Comino

Our final full day in Malta was spent on Comino, the smallest of the inhabited Maltese islands (population c.5). We took a ferry across to the island, and relaxed on the beach around the Blue Lagoon, one of the most beautiful bays on the island. The sea was a little on the cool side so I was quite happy to stick to paddling, but Michael had a swim (keeping an eye out for jellyfish as there were quite a lot around the island) whilst I took a wander across to St Niklaw bay on the other side of Comino.

Malta - day 7: scenic flight

Before I did a fear of flying course just over four years ago, my flying phobia was so severe that even the thought of getting on a plane would send me into a panic. Thankfully I’ve managed to gradually overcome my phobia (I’m now just a little anxious during take-off and landing but not panicky). Still, going on a scenic flight around Malta on a sea plane was a big step forward for me. The views over the island were amazing, and doing the flight towards the end of our holiday meant we were more familiar with the landmarks below.

Malta - day 6: Valletta

Our day exploring Valletta, the capital of Malta, started with a tour of the Standing Battery, overlooking Grand Harbour, led once again by guides in Victorian army uniform, where we watched the firing of the noon gun. We then visited St John’s Co-Cathedral, the cathedral of the Knights of St John before taking a horse-drawn cab ride around Valletta which was a nice relaxing way to see the city. Our afternoon was spent visiting Marsaxlokk, a very pretty fishing village on the east coast of Malta, before driving back across the island to Naxxar, where we visited the Palazzo Parisio.

Malta - day 5: The Three Cities

Our day’s explorations of the island took us to the Three Cities east of Valletta – Senglea, Vittoriosa and Conspicua, which are similar to Mdina in that they are all quite old-fashioned and quiet. We visited the Inquisitor’s Palace in Vittoriosa, the Maritime museum in Vittoriosa and then went for a guided tour of Fort Rinella, a coastal battery built in the 1880s, led by tour guides dressed in Victorian army uniform who treated us to a display of gun-firing, sword fighting and different types of signalling and showed us the 100-ton Armstrong gun that was part of the coastal defences.

Malta - day 4: Mdina

Mdina is a tiny walled city in central Malta which once was the capital city. The city itself is pretty and except for the occasional parked car, seems almost to have been frozen in time. Its maze of narrow streets is tranquil and serene. We had our lunch in a cafe in Mdina where we were served by a waiter who displayed a degree of sullenness previously only experienced in teenagers which slightly spoiled what otherwise was a lovely day; the Maltese have generally come across as very friendly otherwise. We also visited Ħaġar Qim and Mnajdra – two ancient temples.

Malta - day 3: Gozo

The day started off warm and sunny and so we decided to take a boat across to Gozo, Malta’s smaller sister island and spend the day there. We started at Dwejra at the west end of the island with its beautiful natural coastal scenery, taking in the Azure Window, Blue Hole and Inland Sea, before heading to the Ta’ Pinu basilica and then back across the island to Calypso’s Cave and Ramla Bay. By the time it got dark a lightning storm was brewing across the channel between Malta and Gozo which made for a somewhat choppy boat ride back.

Malta - day 2: exploring the island

Our first full day in Malta has been spent mostly driving around the island. We visited Mosta Dome, where a bomb was dropped during mass during World War II but then miraculously didn’t explode. The dome dominates the skyline around Mosta and is the fourth largest dome in Europe. We tried to take a boat to Comino but there didn’t seem to be any running (probably because we are outside of the main holiday season) so we then drove to Wied iż Żurrieq on the western coast of Malta to visit the Blue Grotto – a natural arch in the cliffs.

Malta - day 1: first impressions

We arrived in Malta yesterday afternoon just before dusk which meant we didn’t get much opportunity to see much of the island on our way to our hotel in Qawra. The guidebook advised against renting a car on the basis that Maltese drivers are a bit crazy and don’t pay much attention to speed limits, give way signs or indicate – and it wasn’t wrong! I’m quite relieved that Michael is going to be doing all the driving particular after encountering some of the crazy drivers down narrow pot-holed roads! Still crazy road conditions aside, we are enjoying it so far!

Dreams

I often find when I go away on holiday to a French-speaking country that I tend to start dreaming in French as well. Normally this happens during my holiday, although occasionally it happens afterwards. I’m not fluent in French by any means, not even close, although I speak it well enough to get by without needing to carry a phrasebook around with me and well enough that I rarely have people reply to me in English. Clearly there is a part of my brain which has absorbed and is able to understand more of the French language than I realise.

Brussels - day 3

Our final day in Brussels was spent wandering around the area around the Palais Royale although once again we’d left ourselves too little time to visit any of the museums which was a shame as we’ve since heard that the Musée des Instruments Musiques (or Museum of Dead Musical Instruments as I nicknamed it) is well worth a visit. In fact, now that we’ve arrived back home, we’ve had a few recommendations of places to visit which would have been a little more helpful if we’d had them before going to Brussels. We’re off again tomorrow – this time to Malta.

Brussels - day 2

We are discovering just how exciting Belgium is – a quick perusal of the guide book left us wondering if there was actually anywhere interesting to visit (art galleries and museums become a bit same-y after a while) and so we ended up visiting Autoworld – a large aircraft hangar filled with vintage cars which admittedly Michael found more interesting than I did (the displays on how engines work failed to hold my attention for more than a couple of minutes). We then had a wander around the Place Royale but unfortunately arrived there too late to visit any of the museums.

Brussels - day 1

We’re now in Brussels and enjoying a nice relaxing evening catching up with friends. We’ve had a brief wander around to the Grand Place and surrounding area – buying chocolate and then relaxing in a bar serving an overwhelming variety of beer – the beer menu was about as thick as the average Yellow Pages and the sheer amount of choice somewhat bewildering but I eventually decided to try a mango-flavoured beer which was a bit bizarre and tasted more like beer-flavoured mango juice. The strawberry beer was equally strange and tasted more like a banana smoothie which was a little unexpected.

Pager-free and ready to relax

Three weeks of being pager-free are ahead of me! It is so nice to be off call and be able to completely relax and switch off from all things work-related. Tomorrow Michael and I are heading off on the Eurostar to Brussels to go and spend a couple of days with our friends Joel and Vik. We’ve been to Belgium a couple of times before (the last time being when we got engaged) but this’ll be the first time for visiting Brussels. I’m looking forward to spending time relaxing and catching up with friends but not to tomorrow’s 6am start!

Fireworks

I’m not a huge fan of fireworks – a fireworks night several years ago at Michael’s parents where a rocket came down landing about six inches away from my foot had made me quite wary of fireworks in general. Despite this, I agreed to come out to a local firework display with a group of friends this evening, which I actually quite enjoyed (probably more because I spent most of it trying to get some half-decent firework photos rather than worrying about stray rockets) and then we headed off to the pub afterwards to defrost in front of a roaring fire.

Family time

I’ve been able to get home to visit my family a little more often than usual lately which has been great. There are so many nice things about going home – spending time with my mum and dad and trying to catch up with as many brothers and sisters as I can fit into one short trip home. One of the nicest things about going home to visit my family is being able to be a part of my nieces’ bedtime routine – reading them a bedtime story, tucking them up in bed and singing them to sleep. It is just lovely.

Saturday night quiz

I’ve been spending the evening at a quiz night organised by the am-dram group that I’m involved in. To be completely honest, I hadn’t been all that keen on going but faced with the choice of staying in and potentially being harassed by trick-or-treaters knocking on my door all evening and going out to the quiz, the quiz seemed marginally the better choice of the two. Michael was working at an event so couldn’t make it. It wasn’t too bad an evening in the end (our team came third, but there were only four points separating the top four teams).

In praise of my wonderful hubby

There are times when I take my husband for granted, when criticism comes more easily than cuddles and I forget the things I love about him because I’m too busy grumbling about the things I don’t. So, to redress the balance, here are some of the things I love about him:

1) He makes me laugh.
2) He gives the best hugs ever.
3) He always sees the good in people (not one of my skills, I have to admit!)
4) He tells me every day that I am beautiful and he loves me.

What more could a girl want?

Skewed perceptions

I have again received a timely reminder which has made me realise how lucky I am to have Michael and that I should stop focusing on criticism and re-focus on cuddles. I have also realised that my perception of a typical day was perhaps a little harsh. It doesn’t reflect the fact that my working hours are generally less than Michael’s. Unless I have been called to a birth, I usually leave the house after he does and get home from work before him. Being at home more means that the bulk of the domestic chores naturally fall to me.

A day in the life...

My day: get up, make breakfast, make lunch, put a load of washing on, sweep up the cereal that Michael dropped on the floor, make bed, wash up, go to work. Come home, hang the washing on the airer, hoover and tidy, cook dinner, eat dinner, wash up, write blog, go to bed.

Michael’s day: wake up, play games on iPod for 15 minutes, get up, have breakfast, pick up packed lunch, go to work. Come home, put TV on and sit on sofa, eat dinner, fly helicopter, go to bed.

Something tells me I’ve drawn the short straw here...

Wardrobe malfunction

I had a bit of a wardrobe crisis recently – being behind on laundry meant my only clean tights were winter ones. I was reluctant to succumb to winter tights this early or to wear trousers so I was quite relieved to find a pair of hold-ups in the sock drawer. Perfect solution, or so I thought. Off I went to my postnatal visit, checked mum and baby over, and then just as I stood up to leave, my hold-ups made a bid for freedom and decided to transform themselves into ankle warmers. I was somewhat embarrassed to say the least.

Contemplations on Christianity

The recent articles in the news about Anglicans being allowed to become part of the Roman Catholic church whilst still retaining some of their Anglican identity has got me thinking about all the differing branches of Christianity that exist with their varied views and styles of worship. Are some branches right and others wrong or are we just choosing to sing different songs from the same underlying hymnbook? Are we seeing the same God from different perspectives or are we in danger of creating our own god which sits more comfortably with our own views and beliefs about the world?

Sunny Swanage

This weekend’s trip to visit friends down in Swanage brought back lots of happy childhood memories of a school trip there twenty years ago. It has been a long time since I was last there, but those memories are still surprisingly clear. We went for a long walk around Langton Matravers and Worth Matravers, wandering along the coastal path. It has been such a lovely sunny day and it is a beautiful part of the country. I felt so at peace with the world, and with myself, and so relieved to be out of London if only for a day!

Stars

One of the best things about getting out of the city and going out into the country is seeing all the stars. Where we live, there is so much light pollution that we only ever get to see the brightest stars and the moon (not helped by the fact that our next door neighbours like to flood-light their back garden). I had almost forgotten how amazing the night sky looks when there is no light pollution and quite how many constellations there are. It is such a beautiful sight, and unfortunately one which I don’t get to see very often.

Another October baby and the hope of sleep!

The broken nights have continued with my “day” starting at 1.45am this morning when I was called out to a labour. I was tired, running purely on caffeine and adrenaline but it was magical to be there at the birth later in the afternoon and see the awe and wonder on two new parents’ faces. I headed home feeling very happy – a feeling aided by the fact that my October babies have now all made their way into the world and I can have a glass of wine and feel that perhaps tonight, at last, I will get some sleep!

Bleary-eyed and at a birth

It’s been a long day, or at least, it has certainly felt like a long day. Another night of being afflicted by insomnia followed by an early morning call to go and attend a waterbirth. Being there to welcome a new baby in the world was lovely although I must confess that the cup of tea afterwards was much needed – caffeine is my friend at the moment! However, travelling home crawling along at a snail’s pace left me feeling rather grouchy. I’m aiming for an early night and hoping for some sleep, although chances of being called out remain high.

Insomnia

Insomnia is a pain. You spend half the night trying to fall asleep, seeing the hours on the clock tick by before eventually drifting into a light doze an hour before you have to get up anyway. The day passes in a fog of exhaustion, your brain seems to be made of cotton wool, you curse the snail-like pace of the traffic on the way home and hope that the next night will be a better one. Insomnia coupled with being on-call is even worse - particularly when babies are late and the odds of being called out are ever-increasing.

Little things

It is the little things in life that can help to make a day a good one. A cheerful person behind the counter of the coffee shop, a baby’s smile, someone letting you out when the traffic is busy, getting a compliment. It is always nice to receive a compliment, and even more so when it comes completely out of the blue, and from a complete stranger. I was out and about doing visits this morning when a lady walking past commented on how pretty my skirt was. It was just a little compliment, but it really made my day.

Ten green bottles...

We have a bit of a surplus of wine at the moment. Michael joined a wine club about eighteen months ago resulting in us being sent a dozen bottles of wine every three months. With me being on call nearly all the time and Michael’s crazy working hours, we just can’t get through them. As well as this, I sometimes bring home a bottle of wine or champagne received as a thank you and so we now have quite a collection! Fortunately Michael has finally got around to cancelling the wine club – now we just need to start drinking it!

Family, felicitations and F1

Tomorrow is the dads’ birthday – both mine and Michael’s so it was off home for the evening to catch up with the family and spend time with my dad tonight as we will be spending tomorrow night with Michael’s dad. Which unfortunately meant that we did miss the Grand Prix and therefore had to catch up on Jenson winning the driver’s championship (yay!) by watching the highlights, but still it was good to see the family and get to have cuddles with my great-nephew Steven who I last saw on my wedding day when he was just ten days old.

Stretching the limits of artistic licence

I’ve been helping out at a concert at church this evening, featuring a local adult choir, primary school choir and a fantastic trombone player from the RAF. The choirs weren’t too bad (the adult choir would have been very good had it not been for one particularly dominant singer) although there were a couple of interesting duets. One in particular made me chuckle inwardly – a rather mature couple singing “You Are Love” from Showboat – hearing a portly middle-aged balding man described in song as “You are spring, bud of romance unfurled” was a bit optimistic even allowing for artistic licence!

Don't call me dear

I got mistaken for a 17 year old the other day which was quite flattering. However, looking younger than I am isn’t always an advantage, particularly when shop assistants (particularly when they are women of a certain age) start being quite patronising. I went shopping recently with Michael in a local department store – he was asked “Can I help you, sir?” whereas I was asked things like “Are you all right there, dear?” or “Do you need a bag, love?” which left me fuming. It’s not endearing, it’s patronising and annoying and I wish people would just stop doing it.

Contemplations on cooking

Michael and I go through phases when we seem to eat out or get takeaway food quite a lot. It usually coincides with me being a bit busier and feeling like I can’t be bothered to cook (Michael will occasionally cook dinner, but most of the cooking is down to me). Other times, I will go through phases of really enjoying cooking and trying out different recipes. My slow cooker and bread maker are two of my favourite gadgets – now we eat a lot more home-cooked food, but with a lot less effort on my part which is always good!

Winds of change

The proposed changes at work have now been put forward to the team and so far seem to have been met with a positive response although there’s a four week review period to allow everyone to feed back their thoughts before anything definite starts happening with the new ways of working which have been suggested. I wasn’t sure how well it would go down given that people generally don’t like change but the new ways of working seem to address quite a few of the problems that currently keep cropping up so hopefully this change will be for the better!

9 years of Louise & Michael

Today is the 9th anniversary of when Michael and I first became a couple. I’d gone out for karaoke that evening having told my housemate on my way out that it was great to be single again (having ended a relationship two weeks previously), I was enjoying being single and I was planning on staying single for a while. Several hours and more than a few Bacardi Breezers later, I found myself snogging Michael. It was a Friday 13th which has obviously not been unlucky for us as here we are nine years on – still together and now finally married!!

Let's face the music and dance

I love dancing. When I was at university, I used to do about ten hours a week of dance, mostly ballroom and latin, although since leaving university, it’s been unusual for me to do more than a couple of hours a week (unless you count show rehearsals as well) and I tend to focus mostly on tap. Michael and I got back into doing ballroom again just before our wedding but hadn’t got round to going back to classes since getting married until tonight. Fortunately the class was quite basic so we could pick it back up again fairly easily.

Chilled out Sunday

It’s been the perfect end to a lovely chilled out Sunday – curled up on the sofa, eating popcorn and watching Mamma Mia having spent the afternoon shopping with an uncomplaining husband in tow (who didn’t express any disapproval when I was forced to succumb to the delights of the Monsoon sale and buy even more clothes that will have to go in his wardrobe, mine being full). That said, the delightful effect is currently being diminished by the model helicopter being flown around the lounge (so far, he’s managing to keep it away from anything breakable, so far, so good!)

How married life should be...

After a busy day at work, it is nice to come home and put my feet up. Usually I get home and end up rushing around doing all the little household chores and cooking dinner whilst Michael tends to come in, put the TV on and crash on the sofa until I tell him that dinner is ready. Tonight he has surprised me by reversing the roles – it is me crashed out on the sofa watching the TV whilst Michael is cooking me dinner. This is definitely how married life should be - I could get used to this quite easily...

The miracle of birth

It’s been a busy few days on the baby-catching front – one of those weeks when I start to wonder whether someone has put castor oil in the water or was Sunday’s full moon to blame? Either way, it seems that half the October clients have decided this week is a good one for giving birth. I was lucky enough to be at a lovely water birth last night and get to welcome a gorgeous baby girl into the world. It’s not every day you get to witness the miracle of life in such a beautiful way – even in this job.

Little and large

There’s quite a height difference between me and Michael – I am 5ft and he is 6ft 3 which is very handy when I need to get something down from a high shelf. Sometimes I forget that we see things at different levels – I once tried to hide chocolate on the top shelf of a cupboard and was actually surprised when he opened the cupboard and spotted it straight away. Unfortunately, he keeps his chocolate stash at the back of the top shelf in his wardrobe which is very effective as I can’t quite reach it even standing on a chair!

Scary, moi?

My role in Fiddler on the Roof requires me to shriek and scream and then sing (which is all surprisingly difficult) and generally be scary. Apparently I am succeeding in the general scariness factor – which is fine when I’m in character, not fine when I arrive home and my husband cowers on the sofa as I walk towards him after he has dropped a chocolate bar wrapper on the floor. On the plus side, it shows he is realising that chocolate bar wrappers belong in the bin and not on the floor (husband training is working!) but honestly – scary, moi?

The joys of web-spinning

I’m not particularly good at website design, but somehow I seem to have volunteered myself to create and manage a website for a local group of churches with information about each church. The trouble is, not only am I expected to create the website itself, I also seem to be expected to provide all the content for it! People are very quick to grumble that there is not enough information about their church or church event but very slow to actually provide me with any information that I can use. Clearly I need to brush up on my psychic abilities.

Birth music

One of the things I often do when preparing a birth room is to put some relaxing background music on, although often women will bring an iPod to play their choice of birth music. I was a birth partner for my twin sister when her first daughter Ebony was born and her choice of music was Celine Dion. When Erin was born three years later, we had the music channel on and just as Erin entered the world, “My Heart Will Go On” came on. It seems my nieces are destined to be born to the sound of Celine Dion.

Martha vs Mary

I love my church – it is fairly small which means that everyone knows everyone else which makes it feel much more like you are part of a church family. The disadvantage of being quite small is that once you start volunteering to take on things, sometimes Sundays can feel a little hectic. This morning felt like I was rushing about trying to do too many tasks and being Martha when what I really wanted to do was to be Mary instead, to sit down and just enjoy spending time with God. Sometimes serving the church can distract from worshipping God.

Helicopter havoc

One of my husband’s hobbies is flying radio-controlled model helicopters and planes. This wouldn’t be a problem – except he has an indoor helicopter which he likes to fly around the lounge. At best, it’s somewhat annoying, particularly when I’m trying to work on something and suddenly have a helicopter whizz past my head, but it’s now resulting in breakages – fine when it’s the helicopter, not fine when it’s photo frames and ornaments. It’s even more reason to try and find somewhere with a little more space – and preferably a garage so he can shut himself in there and fly it.

Things I quite like about London

My friend Bryan has recently started a blog on things he loves about London. “Love” is a bit too strong a term to describe my feelings (usually either negative or ambivalent) about anything London-related but there are a few things I quite like about London:

1) The view from Lambeth Bridge looking over towards the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben.

2) Driving over Albert Bridge (although since doing “Follow That Girl”, I can’t drive over it without thinking about jumping off it!)

3) Free museums – great way to spend a few hours.

4) The West End – so many musicals…

Identity crisis

I’ve been gradually changing over to using my married name. The trouble is, I’m now at the stage where some things are in my maiden name and others in my married name and I’m losing track of which name I’m using for each. It didn’t help that I’ve been trying to juggle work calls (having kept my maiden name at work) with non-work calls (mostly in my married name). I’m beginning to realise that there is some sense in changing my name across the board. Still at least I wasn’t having to sign things too – now that would be confusing!

Duracell bunny day

Some days I wake up in the morning and it seems a huge effort just to get out of bed. Doing the simplest of household chores feels like a titanic struggle and all I want to do is curl up under the duvet and sleep. Other days, I wake up feeling like the Duracell bunny on speed. The mammoth list of tasks on the to-do list is surprisingly achievable, the flat is amazingly clean and tidy and the mountain of work is reduced to a molehill in no time at all. Why can’t every day be a Duracell bunny day?

Triumphs and taps

We seem to be having a bit of a lucky streak in the pub quiz over the last few weeks – winning the quiz again tonight for the third time in four weeks (without a tie-break this time which was even better!) Michael also won £10 in the raffle after the quiz so a good night all in all. It was also tap night - slowly, but surely the routines are coming together which is just as well as we have been told that our exam will be on 22nd November. Hopefully I’ll get to grips with the routines by then!

Lessons from marriage

Things I have learnt about marriage:

1) Changing your name does not mean you are no longer part of your own family and have instead become assimilated into your spouse’s family like being assimilated into the Borg collective.

2) Any implied comparison between your in-laws and the Borg collective is unlikely to improve your relationship with them and may offend your spouse.

3) Marriage requires give and take. Some days you will feel like you are doing all the giving and will be afflicted with amnesia regarding any times when you have taken. Your spouse will remind you of them.

Lindsay & Dave's wedding

It was almost like having two weddings in a day. A register office ceremony, followed by lunch; then a church blessing and the reception. I felt like a Disney princess in my pretty bridesmaid dress (possibly the nicest bridesmaid dress I have ever had apart from the ones my mum made!). Lindsay and Dave looked blissfully happy, the sun shone and it was just beautiful. There were a few extra nice touches – the build-a-bear workshop for the children at the reception and the bride’s first dance with her dad before she danced for the first time with her new husband.

Wedding mornings

My friend Lindsay is getting married today and I will be one of her bridesmaids which I’m feeling very excited about. The last time I was a bridesmaid was two months before my own wedding and in all the excitement of getting ready, I couldn’t help thinking that soon it would be me getting married. Today I am once again remembering my own wedding morning, the excitement and joy of it all. It looks set to be a beautiful day and I hope Lindsay and Dave’s day will be every bit as wonderful for them as ours was for us.

Thoughts from a teashop

Eating breakfast in a teashop with jazz quietly playing in the background and watching the world go by. It somehow seems less hurried than usual, until an irate driver beeps his horn and the illusion of serenity is suddenly shattered. The world is a good place today – or at least my world is! This hasn’t always been the case lately – I’ve been riding the emotional rollercoaster again. In my world today, there is no Ms Hyde, no angst, no frustrations – just peace and serenity, calmness and contentedness. In the stillness, I find myself again and know that I am loved.

Changing seasons

The summer has slipped into autumn, and with the changing season comes the expectation of changes elsewhere in my little world following some rather interesting discussions at work. Like most people, I don’t always like change – it’s much more comfortable sometimes for things to stay as they are – even when things are not quite how you would like them to be in an ideal world, at least you know where you are with them. Things at work seem set to be rather interesting over the next few months, which is a little unsettling but quite exciting at the same time!

The battle between Jekyll and Hyde

I feel like I have been battling Ms Hyde a little more frequently of late. Sometimes I can tell that there is a fight brewing; other times it seems that she sneaks up on me almost before I’ve realised it. I’m learning to recognise some of the triggers but even being aware of them doesn’t always seem to prevent the black mood descending. I keep reminding myself that the emotional rollercoaster always comes to an end eventually and at some point my emotions will get back on an even keel – fingers crossed that they do so sooner rather than later!

Eroding consumer satisfaction

On the whole, the suppliers I used for my wedding were really good, really helped and generally bent over backwards in the run-up to the wedding. Unfortunately, a couple of them were unable to provide goods or services that had previously been agreed and was told they would refund me the cost of these. More than two months after the wedding, I am still chasing them. Their service was excellent otherwise, but despite appearing to be very happy to agree a refund when asked, their evasiveness now on providing it has completely eroded my positive opinions of their customer service.

Missing the muse

There are people who just seem to have been born with the gift of being able to write and make it interesting and witty – even their Facebook and Twitter updates are always worth reading. Then there are those of us who want to write, but the muse moved out long ago. The novel stalls a few chapters in and seems immune to attempts at kick-starting it and sometimes even writing just 100 words seems an impossible task. Making myself write regularly is good discipline though so I keep persevering, but wonder sometimes if I ever actually write anything worth reading?

Proverbs and PSPs

I had my first Junior Church session since the summer holidays this morning which was interesting. Normally I take the 11+ group but I had a couple of slightly younger boys as well today which was unexpected. I had to think on my feet and adapt what I was doing so they could join in. The theme was Proverbs 31 and trying to do the best we can with the skills we have. I’m not quite sure how PSP games and guns fitted into this theme but trying to gently steer the boys away from this was an uphill struggle.

Clumsiness

As well as recently developing a reputation for tardiness, I now seem to be also developing one for clumsiness. On Tuesday I managed to knock an entire glass of Coke over a friend at the pub quiz and then tonight I managed to knock a glass of red wine over another pub quiz friend (who thankfully wasn’t wearing anything white!) as well as all over the board game we were playing. Sitting at a table opposite me is becoming a bit of a hazard. Michael is just relieved that the baton for clumsiness seems to be moving away from him…

Tips for a happy marriage?

One of our more unusual wedding presents was a little booklet entitled “All A Young Wife Ought To Know” containing various tips in preparation for married life. Some are quite sensible, for instance “do not run up long bills of credit, for thus are born arguments, hatreds and reproaches”. Useful advice indeed, given my love of Radley bags and inability to resist the Monsoon sale! Other advice is less useful – the advice that on the husband’s arrival home, the wife should “have his shoes removed before a good fire and his feet washed!” Somehow I can’t see myself doing that!

Travel bug

It’s been a lovely evening catching up with our friends James and Rachel who are off travelling next week and will be away for six months visiting Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand and South America. I don’t really have much of a travel bug myself but it makes me realise just how much world there is out there and how little of it I’ve actually seen. Having a flying phobia obviously doesn’t help – although I would quite like to visit every country in Europe which would still be quite a challenge even if it doesn’t sound quite as exotic.

Nearing the end of the Facebook-free challenge

The Facebook-free challenge is coming to an end and I have managed to last a week without checking either Facebook or Twitter. It’s made me realise that I do use it as a tool for communicating with my friends and I have felt quite isolated without it. I have made more effort to contact my friends by phone (not always easy when getting home at less sociable hours!) and to try to catch up face to face. I’ve also managed to get more jobs around the house done but I’m looking forward to getting back to my online world tomorrow!

Feeling more upbeat

Despite it being a rather grey, rainy day, I’ve been feeling a lot more positive than of late. It’s been a good day overall. This evening’s tap lesson went well – the routine I was struggling with is finally beginning to sink in. I know the steps, now I just need to get more familiar with them as I can’t think of them quickly enough for my feet to keep up with the music. We also won the pub quiz for the second week running – it might have been the lowest winning score ever but it was a winning score nonetheless!

Wedding DVD family screening

It’s always nice to take a trip back home and spend some time with my family. Today was one of the days that my dad spends at the day centre, so I had a lovely afternoon, just spending time with my mum. Once my dad was back home from the day centre, we spent the evening reliving happy memories from my wedding day as I had brought the wedding DVD home for my family to watch. My two nieces really enjoyed seeing themselves on the DVD and pointing out themselves and everyone they knew each time they appeared on screen.

Sunday lunch for 30

Cooking Sunday dinner for 30 people seemed to go fairly well in the end – a few people asked for second helpings which is always a good sign and there were plenty of people willing to help serve and wash up afterwards so it wasn’t too stressful! The only minor hiccups were suddenly realising there were no tea bags and having to send Michael out to the shop whilst everyone was having dessert and Michael’s attempts at making a pot of coffee – using about four times as much coffee as he should have done! It looked more like gravy than coffee!

Preparing Sunday dinner for 30

It’s been a busy day of cooking in preparation for tomorrow’s lunch for those living on their own at church. Having no working oven has limited the menu choices and so we decided that cottage pie would be the best plan as the mince and potatoes can be cooked on the hob and then browned under the grill. Having Michael around to help peel and mash the potatoes, keep the washing up under control and generally try and be useful made things a lot easier this year – hopefully it will all go well tomorrow and everyone will enjoy the meal.

Ambulance accidents

Day 2 without Facebook or Twitter and I am still managing to resist logging on. It’s been made a lot easier today given that I’ve only just got home from work after a busy day of visits and being at a labour. We ended up having to transfer into hospital and the rather helpful ambulance driver thought he’d reverse back so that the labouring lady didn’t have to walk far to the ambulance and promptly reversed his ambulance into a wall. Fortunately, the ambulance was fine and the driver managed to get us to the hospital without any further mishaps.

Facing the Facebook-free challenge

I have a tendency to keep people at arm’s length. It is rare for me to let people get very close. I think this is one of the reasons I’m so addicted to Facebook – it allows me to be friendly, but detached. Michael is of the opinion that it’s not helping my social networking skills – it is merely allowing me to create yet another barrier. And so, the challenge has been set. Can I get through a whole week without checking Facebook or Twitter? I usually log on several times a day, but have managed to resist so far today.

Back to ballet

After a bit of a lull from social activities in the summer, it’s back to being busy again. Tonight it was the return of ballet classes after the summer, although I’d been so busy since the beginning of the year that this was probably my first class this year. It was tough. Unbelievably tough. A whole set of new routines that I’ve never done before, but everyone else is familiar with and I’m not exactly very good at ballet at the best of times. I struggled through the routines, looking about as graceful as a duck with a broken leg.

Pressure and perfectionism

I have quite a competitive streak and also tend to be a perfectionist so put a lot of pressure on myself to do well at things. I’d almost rather not do something than do it badly. As a result, I’m finding tap classes very frustrating right now – there is one routine that I just can’t seem to get the knack of. If everyone was struggling, I wouldn’t be so bothered but it just seems to be me. On the plus side, my competitive streak did at least get satisfied this evening after tap class when we won the pub quiz.

Monday blues

After the excitement of the weekend, Monday has left me feeling a little deflated. It’s not that anything negative has happened to make me feel this way; just that it’s been a pretty ordinary, mundane kind of day where I’ve been suffering from the occasional attack of “can’t-be-bothereditis” and generally feeling like I’ve got about as much energy as a dead slug. I’m anticipating a fairly busy week ahead, with the weekend looking particularly hectic as I’ve volunteered once again to cook Sunday dinner for 35 people. One minor problem – we don’t currently have a working oven. Could be interesting.

Joel & Vik's wedding (part 2)

In the evening, there was a competition for the best speech - anyone could make a speech; the only rule being that it had to be less than 3 minutes long and the prizes went to the bride’s brother and the best man. The wedding cake was a collection of individual cupcakes brought in by the guests with a prize for the most creative. During the reception, we wrote our good wishes for Joel & Vik on pieces of paper which were then attached to balloons and as night fell, the balloons were released, sending our good wishes with them.

Joel & Vik's wedding (part 1)

We had a lovely time at Joel & Vik’s wedding. As expected, their wedding was not completely conventional – the reception was held at the River Cottage (as featured on TV cookery programmes) on a farm in Devon and to get there, we had to board a trailer driven by a tractor. Down on the farm, our welcome drinks were served in the yurt and the wedding breakfast in the barn. In the fields surrounding the barn, there were cows and pigs, chickens and ducks – and the lamb being served for dinner was roasting on a spit outside as we arrived!

Clothing crisis

The dress code for tomorrow’s wedding is black tie so I have been digging out all my evening dresses from my university days out of the wardrobe. The trouble is, they seem to have shrunk in the last four years. Quite a lot. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a single one on and done up properly. They fitted fine around the waist, but it seems that 26-year old me had no hips or bust. Normally I wouldn’t grumble about developing more curves in these areas but it is frustrating suddenly finding you have nothing to wear!

Happy car

I now have my car back again - it has been fixed much more quickly than I had anticipated and fortunately the garage bill was nowhere near as bad as it could have been. The problem turned out to be fairly simple – the car just needed a new oil pressure switch. I’m quite relieved to be back in my own car – particularly as we are going down to Devon for a friend’s wedding this weekend and the thought of having to do all the driving over the weekend was not appealing, as Michael wouldn’t have been able to share it.

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to the garage we go...

My little car is poorly again and has gone back into the garage for some TLC. There is a problem with the oil pressure which hopefully is something simple and easily fixable and not something serious requiring a whole new engine. Michael’s car has a hole in the exhaust and is also in need of TLC so I have had to rent a car. I thought I’d go for the same type of car as my one – except it’s a newer model, and has been super-sized – it’s not quite like driving Michael’s tank but I’m still nervous about the corners!

Bank holidays and barbecues

It was one of those rare things – a bank holiday where the sun was actually shining. The barbecue was set up, the chairs were out on the lawn – and still the sun stayed out. Which in England is nothing short of a miracle. Michael’s birthday celebrations continued on through yesterday –the bank holiday being the perfect excuse for inviting friends over and having a barbecue. It was a small group in the end – there were only ten of us able to make it but it was a great afternoon spent soaking up the sunshine and being with friends and family.

Michael's surprise birthday party

I organised a surprise birthday meal for Michael last night for his 30th birthday and invited as many of his friends as I could contact via text and Facebook. I told Michael we were going for dinner in a surprise location (if I’d told him where we were going, he would have realised that it wasn’t going to be just the two of us) which kept him guessing right until we were outside the Chinese restaurant. It was a good evening – spending time with good friends and unlimited crispy duck pancakes – what more could anyone want from an evening out?

Reputations

I like to be organised, and reliable – arriving at appointments on time and trying not to run late for things. Unfortunately, I seem to be developing a reputation for tardiness – arriving at church five minutes late on a morning when I was doing the readings (only just arriving in time for them), our minister introduced the readings with a comment about “the bride who arrives half an hour late for the wedding and the reader arriving during the first hymn both have the same effect on my blood pressure…” I suspect the reputation may now be hard to shake off!

Celebration of life

Michael and I have been attending a “Celebration of Life” this evening for one of his parents’ friends. That sounds like we were going to a memorial for someone who has recently died, but it wasn’t – it was a much happier occasion - a party to celebrate the 25th anniversary of this friend being given the all-clear after having leukaemia which is something that was definitely worth celebrating. I got to meet some of Michael’s parents’ friends whom I hadn’t met before – it was a little odd because they all knew who I was, but didn’t always then introduce themselves.

Autumn leaves

It seems like the autumn is beginning early this year – the leaves on the trees have already started to go brown and fall. You’d think Mother Nature would at least have the decency to wait until September before inflicting autumn on us but clearly that is not the case this year. I generally quite like autumn (my inner child particularly enjoys running through piles of leaves and kicking them about) but it should ideally come at the correct time and after a proper summer of sunshine. Given that I live in Britain, perhaps the latter statement is a tad optimistic.

Wedding DVD

Michael arrived home from Spain this evening and we sat down to watch our wedding DVD for the first time. We were both really pleased with the end result, I got a bit emotional a few times relieving all the wonderful memories of our wedding day and it was just so lovely to have the day captured on DVD. We particularly liked the “good luck messages” section which had a few rather amusing messages from our friends and family members and a hint from the in-laws about their hopes for grandchildren at some point in the next couple of years!!