Birthday girls

My birthday has almost crept up on me this year without me noticing it – there has been so much else on my mind. I have received so many lovely ‘happy birthday’ messages via phone, email and online and once again I feel very blessed to know I have so many lovely friends out there. I had a lovely evening being back home with my family – I always try to make sure my twin sister and I can spend time together on our birthday – although unfortunately Michael was working on an event so couldn’t come down with me for the evening.

Chris & Emma's wedding

Had a lovely time celebrating our friends Chris and Emma’s wedding along with some of our close friends from university. It was a lovely day, the wedding venue was a beautiful stately home, Chris and Emma were both obviously so happy and the rain held off at all the key moments when everyone was outside and the sun came out a few times so that was good. It was also nice to have a happy event to help take our minds off our worries about Sprout and we also felt more able to talk about her which helped as well.

The elephant in the room

We had dinner with some close friends whom we hadn’t seen since before I became pregnant. Since my baby bump became a little more obvious, we’d gotten used to friends commenting on it and asking about our baby. Now my baby bump has become the elephant in the room, which makes me very sad. Instead of something to be excited about, it has become a topic to be avoided unless Michael and I bring it up ourselves. I understand why this is so and know that our friends care and just can’t find the words, but it still saddens me.

Faith

One of my friends sent me this Bible verse in her message:

“My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.” (Psalm 62:7)

It is times like this when I realise that God really is my mighty rock and refuge. I know that He is always there and will somehow give me the strength and hope to get through the days ahead. I honestly don’t know how I could cope with everything at the moment without the knowledge that God is there, supporting us and guiding us along the dark and scary road ahead.

Still in shock

I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. We have received so many kind messages of support and to know so many people care about and are praying for our little girl really does help. We are still very much in shock – I keep wanting to wake up and find that all of this has just been a horrible dream whilst trying to find the strength to accept reality and keep going. Everything has been turned completely upside-down and we don’t really know what to do any more other than to just take everything minute by minute.

Please pray for our baby - part 5

Obviously we are both devastated by the news - my mum has come up to be with us and Michael's parents have been wonderful. We are trying to take each day as it comes but we know we have a very dark and difficult journey ahead of us and are praying very, very hard for the best possible outcome for our little girl. Please can you keep us in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I know that it is hard to find words that can help, but the support of our family and friends means a lot.

Please pray for our baby - part 4

We hadn't planned to find out the gender but after this felt very strongly that we needed to know in order to bond with our baby as much as we can right now. On scan it looks like we are expecting a girl, currently still nicknamed Sprout but we will be giving her a name very soon. She is very wriggly at the moment and we are looking on each day that we can have with her as a huge blessing. We will continue to have repeated heart scans throughout the pregnancy to keep an eye on how things develop.

Please pray for our baby - part 3

All of this assumes that surgery is a viable option but the holes in the heart are giving particular cause for concern. They are likely to shrink or close and if they do then surgery may not be an option and we need to discuss this with the surgical team. If this is the case, then we have been told that our baby may survive a few days or weeks at the very most. We have declined the option of a termination – our baby is in God’s hands and we want to give her every possible chance that we can.

Please pray for our baby - part 2

We have been told that most babies are able to tolerate this type of condition during pregnancy and survive through birth. If they are born at term, then surgery may be an option. This would involve having three separate operations – one shortly after birth, one at 3-6 months and another around 2-4 years. We have been told that there is a 50% chance of a child making it through these to age 5. If they make it to age 5, there is a good chance of living to 15 and possibly into the 20s but after that it is unknown.

Please pray for our baby - part 1

Michael and I went for our anomaly scan yesterday and whilst it was lovely to see our little Sprout once again, we have received heartbreaking news. Our precious little one has some significant heart abnormalities. We were referred for a more detailed heart scan at the John Radcliffe which thankfully we were also able to do yesterday and have had it confirmed that there are several defects – it is all quite complicated, but basically the left side of the heart is underdeveloped due to a missing heart valve, there are two holes in the heart and narrowing of the aorta.