Day 32 - Sunday roast

I don’t cook a Sunday roast often – mainly because of the time involved – although I do try to make sure we have a ‘proper’ dinner on Sundays (not fish fingers and chips!)  I love cooking though and it always feels good to make the effort and cook a full roast dinner – hubby appreciates it and Jessica usually enjoys it too!  Plus it makes dinners for the next couple of days so much easier.  I’ve got much better at thinking ahead and using leftovers (or cooking extra) so that whatever I’m cooking can stretch to make another meal the next day.

Day 29 - A beautiful Spring morning

I wouldn’t really describe myself as a morning person (well not until I have had that first cup of coffee!) but there are some benefits to being forced to start the day shortly after 6am.  By 9am I feel like I have been up for hours and it feels great to have got so many things done since waking up.  I’m generally at my most productive in the mornings anyway – I always think I’ll do things once the girls go to bed but by then all I want to do is slump in front of the TV and switch off.

Christmas rush

The run-up to Christmas is always such a busy time. Every year, I think I’ll be more organised and not leave everything to the last minute; I’ll start writing the Christmas cards towards the end of November so that I’m not rushing to get them written in time to get posted so that they’ll reach people before Christmas and every year it feel s like somehow Christmas still manages to sneak up on me and it all ends up being a last minute rush. Of course, having a new baby this year does give me an excuse for being disorganised!

Things which make me happy

Things which make me happy:

• Seeing Sophie smiling and starting to really look at people.
• Watching Jessica chattering away to herself when she is sitting in her chair with her books.
• Snuggles with my babies – the way Sophie just curls up against me and nuzzles into my shoulder and Jessica climbing into my lap and snuggling up to me (miss the days when I could just sit and cuddle Jessica all day without her wriggling to get down)
• Watching my husband with our beautiful girls and seeing how much their daddy loves them – my three favourite people in the world. 

RIP Nelson Mandela

With the recent passing of Nelson Mandela, the world has lost a truly great man who has inspired millions of people. His death is sad news but I wouldn't describe it as 'tragic' which was one adjective I heard used on the news. The death of a child as a result of abuse and neglect; an innocent person being killed by a drunk driver; the loss of anyone who had so much more to give - these are tragic. Nelson Mandela lived to the age of 95 and helped changed the world and make it a better place. RIP Nelson Mandela.

Giving thanks

Whilst Thanksgiving isn't really celebrated in the UK, it is always good to stop every so often and focus on all that I am thankful for. Particularly in my current sleep-deprived state when it seems easier at times to grumble about what I don't have and would like (sleep, an extra pair of hands, hubby home for the bedtime routine etc.) So here are some things I am thankful for:

*my two beautiful daughters and my lovely hubby

*supportive friends and family

*faith

*the NHS - Jessica wouldn't be here without the wonderful medical care she has had so far

Writing challenges

For those taking part in NaNoWriMo this month, the challenge is coming to an end and my writing friends are starting to validate their word counts. For me, the much smaller challenge of writing 100 words each day has taken the place of trying to write a novel in a month. Finding time to write these days is not always easy, even when it's just 100 words. Sometimes I think it would be better to stop trying to keep up with it but it's good to keep writing regularly, even if it's just to have an outlet for my thoughts.

Thank you hubby

I have to admit that there are definitely times when I take my wonderful hubby for granted and don't appreciate everything he tries to do to help. Sometimes I seem only to focus on the things he doesn't do rather than be thankful for what he does. In the early hours of the morning when I am awake with the baby and wanting only to sleep, it is easy to resent the person snoring beside me and forget his willingness to get up early with our toddler so I can sleep a little longer. He's not perfect but he tries.

Musings of a mummy of two

I'm learning that I don't have to try and be Supermummy. That it's ok to ask for help, to admit that juggling two children is challenging and can be very stressful. I'm remembering how exhausting life with a newborn is, how nighttime sleep seems to go out of the window sometimes and just how important it is to try and rest when I can. I'm reminding myself of the coping strategies that I used before and trying to enjoy the cuddles in the middle of the night with a wakeful hungry baby because they really don't stay babies for long.

Support network

I've been feeling quite exhausted over the last few days. Juggling the needs of two small children is definitely a challenge! With hubby due to be working away on an event this is one of the times when I wish that I lived closer to my family.  Lots of cousins to Jessica to play with not to mention the fabulous social support network that they provide. It's not that I don't have a support network here. I do, but I'm not very good at tapping into it. It's so much easier to ask for help when it's your own family.

To thine own self be true

One of my writing resolutions for this year was to be more honest in writing. It's not always been an easy resolution to try and keep. Even in my own personal diary I tend to focus only on the positive things, to gloss over the times when I struggle and to paint life as being much more smooth sailing than it really is. Even when I am writing only for myself, the me I write about is often an airbrushed version rather than the true version. Nothing is perfect. So why do I often try to pretend that everything is?

Spoilers!

I have a tendency to flick ahead when I'm reading a book and find out how it ends. I then decide if I'm interested enough in the journey to continue reading! I'm the same with films and TV programmes - I like to know what's going to happen before I start watching. I tend to watch them a day late and read reviews and spoilers. I like to spot all the little things that I might not have noticed then had I not known the story. Thankfully for Michael, I never spoil it for him by revealing any of the plot!

Ballroom bliss

Michael and I first met each other through ballroom dancing lessons at university and got to know each other more when we competed against each other in acrobatic rock 'n' roll before we finally became a couple. We don't dance much now but we love watching Strictly Come Dancing and commenting on the performances. Watching this week's show which was in Blackpool was particularly enjoyable - it brought back memories of dancing together in the Tower Ballroom. Plus I particularly enjoyed Kevin and Susanna's paso doble - the paso doble is one of my favourite dances and their dance was just stunning.

Family time

I love spending time with my family. I often wish that I lived a bit closer to them so I could see my mum, siblings, nephews and nieces more often (although being Miss Independent means there is a little part of me that likes the distance and having my own space!) Living further away means that often family members will come and stay for a few days which is always nice. I'm hoping that I'll have a few visits over the coming weeks - firstly so my family can meet Sophie but also because I know how helpful they will be!

Fireworks

It's been quite a while since I've been to a fireworks display - I think it was probably the year before Jessica was born. I've never really been a big fan of fireworks. Perhaps having a rocket come back down inches away from where I was standing when my in-laws had a fireworks display in their back garden has something to do with my aversion. I remember the next day the garden looked like the battle of Agincourt had taken place with all the rocket sticks sticking up everywhere. Seeing that was enough to put me off fireworks for life.

Little differences

Sophie's birth has now been registered so she is now all official. At this point in Jessica's life, she was back in theatre having the second part of her hybrid procedure which made for a very anxious day for us. So many differences - even in very little things. Taking Sophie's sleepsuit off, for instance, and feeling how warm her feet are. Jessica's feet are rarely warm apart from when it is really hot during the summer and we always had to put socks on her underneath her sleepsuits when she was a small baby which we don't do with Sophie.

Looking back

Sitting watching Strictly Come Dancing this evening and remembering this time last week - feeling Pod wriggling away and having a few niggles. I remember stroking my bump and telling Pod to at least wait until it had finished before deciding to arrive. In the end, it all started just after the clocks went back. Watched Strictly tonight with beautiful Sophie in my arms which was lovely but part of me missed Pod's wriggles. Can't believe it has been nearly a week already since Sophie's birth - it has gone so fast, such a lovely week of being cocooned together at home.

Missing my bump

I'm overjoyed to finally have my new baby girl but there is a part of me that misses my baby bump. I miss feeling all of those little wriggles inside me, seeing those little movements. I miss the feeling of new life inside me, the joy and the privilege of being able to carry a child. I miss catching a sideways glimpse in the mirror and the feeling of admiration and amazement at how my body could expand. I miss the feeling of being so constantly and completely connected with my baby. Pregnancy is such an amazing and special time. 

Too much knowledge...

Whilst my experience of being a midwife has generally been very good for preparing me for motherhood, there are definitely times when it has not been so helpful. I know some of my fear during the transition stage in labour was due to remembering various problems encountered during some of the births I'd attended as a midwife. It also means there are times when I'm struggling with something, such as trying to get the hang of breastfeeding again and it takes me a long time to ask for help because I feel like I should know what I am doing! 

Comparing

Things are very different this time around. We are enjoying all being cocooned at home together and having a little 'babymoon' whereas last time we spent our days on PICU looking at Jessica in an incubator as she recovered from open heart surgery. I am recovering so much better from giving birth because I can take time to rest which I couldn't do before. We also couldn't give Jessica cuddles at this stage and I remember how unnatural it was to be separated from her so much. Am grateful for it all though as it helped get her here today.