My Life in 100 Words

Jessica is here!

2011-09-10T14:52:00.002+01:00

Baby Jessica Charlotte decided that she wanted to choose her own birthday rather than wait for the induction and arrived on 6th September at 08.50, weighing in at 5lb 10oz. She had her first heart op at eight hours old to enlarge her atrial septum and reposition her pulmonary veins and is currently on PICU, recovering well from the first op and awaiting a second op which will take place early next week. She is such a beautiful baby and we love her so very much already. We will be posting regular updates on her blog which is at http://jessica-thejourney.blogspot.com/

Elephant feet

2011-09-03T23:33:00.000+01:00

Having got through the summer and most of the third trimester without feeling too uncomfortable (although it probably helped that August was somewhat cooler than average) or getting puffy feet, I thought I was going to be lucky enough to avoid getting swollen ankles at all in the last trimester. In the last twenty-four hours though, it seems that my ankles have been replaced with those of an albino elephant which, as you can imagine, is not the most attractive look in the world. It’s another indication that it is time to take things easy and put my feet up.

Catching up on card making

2011-09-02T22:15:00.003+01:00

I enjoy making my own cards for birthdays and other occasions and often try and do these in batches as most months I have a quite a few cards to send out (due to having such a large family!) With Jessica’s arrival getting more and more imminent, I have been trying to get as many cards done as possible and so have been spending most of today surrounded by coloured paper, peel-offs and glue. It’s been a productive day though and I now have a large batch of finished cards ready to send off for various birthdays and other events.

September is here!

2011-09-01T23:14:00.000+01:00

I can’t believe that September is here already. This is the month when Jessica will make her arrival and I just pray that we will have the miracle that we are hoping for and she will be able to have surgery and get through it. It surprises me how many people seem to think that I can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over and assume I must be very uncomfortable by now – I have loved being pregnant and feeling Jessica move and whilst part of me is excited at the thought of meeting her, it is also very scary.

New minister

2011-08-31T22:46:00.001+01:00

Had our welcome service for our new minister at church this evening. We have been without a minister for just over a year which on the one hand has been good as it has really helped us to pull together as a church family and it has been quite interesting having a variety of preachers on a Sunday morning. Still, it will be good to finally have our own minister again. It’s also provided an incentive to get some of those publicity jobs done that I have been sitting on for a while (Jessica’s imminent arrival also providing another incentive!)

My wonderful chiropractor

2011-08-30T13:57:00.001+01:00

Thank goodness my wonderful chiropractor managed to fit me in this morning – by the time I went to bed last night, I could hardly walk – made me realise just how disabling SPD can be when it really flares up. Thankfully a good night’s sleep eased things a little and my lovely chiropractor managed to work her magic so that walking has become reasonably comfortable again and I’m back to walking like Jemima Puddleduck, which is an improvement on the very uncomfortable shuffling that I was having to do before seeing her. Mental note – really must take things a bit easier!

Nesting

2011-08-29T23:56:00.000+01:00

I suspect my nesting instinct has started to kick in as I was seized with an overwhelming urge to unpack half the boxes in the spare room, most of which have been there for nearly a year. The spare room looks much better but I think I have overdone things a bit as all that moving things about has really caused the SPD to flare up and walking has become quite painful as a result - I am walking like a little old lady! Must try and remember to take things easy, meanwhile think a trip to the chiropractor is needed!

Road Show

2011-08-28T23:21:00.000+01:00

Went to see Road Show at the Menier Chocolate Factory with the in-laws last night. It was a really good show, very typical Sondheim with its complex ensemble numbers and clever lyrics. The cast were all excellent and scene changes were a delight to watch, everything was very slick and beautifully choreographed. I had been warned to bring a cushion though as the seating isn't very comfortable. Even with the cushion, I spent the last 20 minutes of this 95 minute one act show focusing more on trying to get comfortable rather than on the performances which was a shame.

Goodbye, Uncle John

2011-08-27T23:21:00.000+01:00

It was my Uncle John’s funeral yesterday and so I travelled down to be with my family and say my goodbyes to him. Whilst it was a sad occasion, it was nice to be able to see so many of my cousins and some of my aunties and uncles whom I don’t see very often at all. It is just a shame that we rarely see each other except at these kind of occasions although given that there are so many of us (we worked out that there are thirty-eight of us first cousins in total), that isn’t too surprising.

Return of the SPD

2011-08-26T11:46:00.002+01:00

I’ve been quite lucky with regards to the SPD throughout most of this pregnancy – considering it was diagnosed quite early on, I’ve really not had too many problems with it, probably thanks to giving up tap, seeing my chiropractor regularly and avoiding the things which are likely to exacerbate the problem – long walks tend to trigger it. It flared up a little recently but Monday’s trip to the chiropractor soon sorted it out. Unfortunately, I skidded on a greasy floor when out for Michael’s birthday meal which has really caused it to flare up again and makes walking particularly uncomfortable.

Introducing baby Scarlett

2011-08-25T19:43:00.001+01:00

I have a new great-niece – baby Scarlett was born earlier today and looks absolutely gorgeous from the photos that I have seen and very much like my nephew! Many congratulations to my nephew Craig and his girlfriend Charlie on the arrival of their little girl. Scarlett’s arrival brings the total of great-nieces and great-nephews to ten (four great-nieces and six great-nephews). I’m not quite sure yet when I will get to meet the latest arrival to the family but would like to wish Craig and Charlie all the best for the coming weeks as they get to grips with parenthood.

Michael's birthday

2011-08-24T12:57:00.004+01:00

It was Michael’s birthday yesterday and we ended up going out for a Chinese meal with friends. Considering that we left it to the last minute to organise (which is fairly typical for us!), there was a reasonable size group of us which was great. It was a lovely evening and I also made Michael a very chocolately birthday cake. Unfortunately Michael had to go off to work afterwards to prepare for an event that he’s working on today so didn’t get to relax quite as much as he would have liked, but he enjoyed spending the evening with friends.

The spider saga

2011-08-24T12:56:00.001+01:00

I’m not a fan of spiders. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have a spider phobia, but I definitely don’t like some of the big spiders that we get in our house sometimes. Particularly the massive one that I discovered in the bath yesterday morning. I just could not pluck up the courage to catch it in a jar and take it outside. Which meant having to wash in the downstairs bathroom and use dry shampoo on my hair. The upstairs bathroom remained out of bounds until hubby finally arrived home and removed the spider for me.

A nice start to my maternity leave

2011-08-22T22:05:00.002+01:00

Had a good start to my maternity leave. Michael is back from his work trip and home again and my sister Maxine and nephew Kieran came up to visit for the day. I tend to see family mostly when I go home to visit them but lately there have been more occasions when they have come up to visit me. Michael even managed to pop home for a while in the afternoon to catch up with them as well. Always good to be able to spend quality time with my family – just a shame they don’t live a bit nearer.

Maternity leave

2011-08-22T11:19:00.001+01:00

I have now finished the last of my visits and said goodbye to the last of my mums and babies, finished off all the little bits of paperwork that I still needed to do and switched my work phone off. I am now officially on maternity leave and ready to put my feet up and relax until Jessica decides to make her appearance. It does feel a little bit odd to be stopping work completely with no real idea of when I’m likely to make a return or if it will even be to exactly the same job as before.

Home alone

2011-08-20T22:40:00.001+01:00

Michael is away again this weekend on another work trip but hopefully this is going to be the last one before Jessica makes her appearance. At least this time he hasn’t left the country but it’s still far enough away to make me a little nervous about whether he would be able to get back in time if Jessica did decide to arrive sooner than anticipated. Thank goodness it’s just a short trip though – he’s back on Monday and his parents are just down the road in case of emergency but hopefully there won’t be any need to call them!

Realisations

2011-08-19T20:19:00.003+01:00

Going out for curry with a group of friends last night was fun, but it brought home to me once again how very close the next stage of our journey with baby Jessica is. As we said goodbye at the end of the evening, it dawned on me that it was quite likely that I wouldn’t see some of these friends again before Jessica’s arrival – the next curry night being planned for after our induction date. By this time next month, we will have taken another step on the journey and the future is so uncertain and I am scared.

35 week scan

2011-08-18T19:34:00.001+01:00

Back to Oxford again this afternoon for another scan. The situation with Jessica’s heart looks pretty much the same as it has been at the last few scans – the foramen ovale still appears to be very small but there is blood flow through it and Jessica appears to be coping well. Her size wasn’t measured today but hopefully she is still continuing to grow well. She is still a little wrigglebottom and gets hiccups at least a couple of times a day. Just the fact that she is active and as well as can be expected is a huge blessing.

Our new home - one year on

2011-08-17T15:04:00.000+01:00

It’s been exactly a year today since we got the keys for our house and I have to admit that I thought we’d have finished all the decorating and unpacked all the boxes long before now but we still have unpacked boxes and rooms that aren’t quite as we’d like them to be. The main thing is that most of the things we need regularly were unpacked a long time ago, the things that are needed less frequently are accessible and we’ll probably find that the things that are still unpacked are now mostly things we don’t need after all.

Finding time for friends

2011-08-16T23:39:00.000+01:00

Over recent months, I have come to realise just how important my friends are to me. Sometimes we might go some time without speaking to certain friends but I know that it doesn’t mean that we don’t care, just that life can be so busy that time whizzes past and weeks go by almost without us realising it. Often I find this is something I am guilty of. I will suddenly think ‘I must call so-and-so’ but the thought only occurs to me late at night when it is too late to do so, rather than at a convenient time.

RIP Uncle John

2011-08-15T23:52:00.002+01:00

I was very sad to hear that my Uncle John passed away earlier today. He was one of my mum’s older brother and we found out that he had terminal cancer just a couple of weeks ago. During the last week or so, his condition had deteriorated very rapidly and so today’s news was not unexpected – in some ways it is a blessing that he did not have to suffer for too long, although it was still of course very sad news and he has now gone to be with Auntie Jean. Thoughts and prayers are with my cousins tonight.

Being looked after

2011-08-15T23:50:00.001+01:00

With Michael away on another work trip, my mum has come up again to spend a few days with me. As always, it is great to be able to spend time with my mum. As well as being there to provide emotional support, she is also great at helping out around the house and making sure she looks after me and Jessica as much as possible. In the last couple of days, the SPD has flared up so having my mum around to help with household chores is a huge blessing and means I can take it a bit easier.

Halfway through camp

2011-08-15T23:49:00.001+01:00

I’m now approaching the mid-month point at Camp NaNoWriMo and this is when it all seems to be getting very difficult. I’m just about keeping up with my word count (well, maybe very slightly behind schedule) but this is the stage when I start floundering around in the middle of my novel, wondering where I’m going next and why I decided to take this challenge on in the first place. Once I hit 30,000 words, I seem to regain my enthusiasm but at the moment, it is hard to keep motivated. Must remember that this is supposed to be fun!

Anxious anticipation

2011-08-15T23:48:00.001+01:00

Now that we have an induction date booked, the next stage on this journey with our baby girl seems to be that much nearer. I am becoming increasingly aware once again of just how precious all those little movements are and how blessed we are with every day that we have with our baby girl. There are times when staying positive and optimistic seems that little bit harder and I struggle to have faith and trust in God. Michael has been the most amazing support throughout all of this – I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful husband.

Moving on

2011-08-12T10:58:00.002+01:00

Now that our journey is nearing the next stage, our care at Oxford is starting to reach its end. We have been anxious at the thought of leaving the care of a team in whose hands we felt so safe and having to get to know a new team of people. However, one of the good things about going to Southampton is that it is a familiar environment to me – I did my midwifery training there and already knew the midwife and consultant obstetrician whom we met at our appointment which has helped us to feel more at ease there.

Another day, another hospital

2011-08-10T20:25:00.002+01:00

Met the Southampton team today and have been booked for care there. The decision as to whether to attempt surgery will be made after Jessica is born as it depends very much on the situation regarding blood flow to the lungs which cannot be fully assessed until they are in use after birth. If this is poor, then Jessica is likely to get sick very quickly after birth and will be too unwell for surgery to be an option. The odds of surgery being a viable option are low but we will keep praying that it will be an option.

UK riots

2011-08-09T22:37:00.000+01:00

Like most people around the country, I am absolutely appalled by the scenes of rioting in London and other UK cities over the last couple of days. There are people out there who have lost their homes and their livelihoods all because of groups of yobs who seem to be on the rampage for no real reason whatsoever. What on earth is the world coming to? It is just horrible. I just cannot understand why people living in a supposedly civilised society would act in this way and am thankful that my friends in the affected areas are all safe.

2011-08-08T20:21:00.002+01:00

Had another scan at Oxford today to check how Jessica is doing. Her heart condition still remains pretty much as before and we are due to see the team at Southampton later this week for another scan and to discuss the possibility of post-birth surgery. Our consultant at Oxford has warned us not to raise our hopes too high though – the severity of Jessica’s heart condition does mean that the odds of post-birth surgery being likely to succeed are still quite low. On the plus side, she is still wriggly and we saw her beautiful little face on scan today.

First aid for hedgehogs

2011-08-07T19:49:00.003+01:00

We have a hedgehog living in our back garden. Yesterday he was out on the lawn and after a while I noticed he was just lying on the grass barely moving. When I went out to investigate, I discovered that he had a big red rubber band wrapped around his middle. He barely moved as I managed to cut it off him but the minute my back turned, he had disappeared back into the bushes. Thankfully I have seen him wandering around the garden a couple of times since then and he seems to be none the worse for it.

In praise of planning

2011-08-06T09:14:00.001+01:00

With friends who live a considerable distance away, plans to meet up often do have to be made ahead of time (there’s no point going on an eight-hour drive to see a friend on a whim only to find they’re away on holiday for two weeks!) In those situations, it definitely pays to plan! Planning is also much better when you are trying to arrange to meet up with a large group of friends or particular friends – after all, everyone has busy lives and those periods of ‘free’ time don’t always coincide! But it’s still fun to be spontaneous sometimes!

The joys of being spontaneous

2011-08-06T08:58:00.002+01:00

I love last-minute plans to catch up with friends. It can be frustrating sometimes when the only way it seems you can catch up with a friend is for the two of you to take out your diaries and eventually find a mutually acceptable date, often many weeks in advance. Making plans to spend time with friends shouldn’t always feel like you are booking an appointment with them. Whilst spontaneity doesn’t always work, it’s great when it does and some of the best times I have had with friends have been when things have been arranged at the last minute.

Hooray for rain!

2011-08-04T19:55:00.001+01:00

In true British-summer style after a few sunny days, we have now had a day of it raining almost incessantly. And for once, I’m actually quite glad that it is raining because it is so much cooler and fresher as a result. It means that I’ve managed to have a reasonably productive day and actually get some of those things on the ‘to-do’ list done instead of wilting away on the sofa feeling like I’m about to melt. I suspect being happy about the rain puts me in a minority though but maybe the sunshine will be back again tomorrow.

Camp NaNoWriMo - month 2

2011-08-03T14:35:00.004+01:00

Camp NaNoWriMo. Fabulous idea – a chance to repeat the fun that it is NaNoWriMo in the summer time rather than having to wait until November. Except that because it is running for two months instead of one, there was always going to be the temptation to go mad and take part in both months and try and write two draft novels. Particularly when I know that my writing buddy is going to do exactly the same. I could say no and take things easy but since when have I ever been capable of doing that? Let the madness commence (again!)

A little on the warm side...

2011-08-03T14:35:00.001+01:00

Don’t get me wrong – it’s lovely to have some nice summery weather (believe me, we never seem to get enough of it) but this level of heat and humid is just a little too much for me at this stage of pregnancy. So if someone could please just turn the summer thermostat down by a couple of degrees before I melt, that would be fabulous. Plus it would help to prevent the swollen ankles which have recently made their first appearance – going from leg to foot without any obvious area connecting the two in between is not a good look!

Getting closer...

2011-08-02T19:15:00.001+01:00

We are now in August which means that Jessica is due to arrive next month (and will hopefully hold off until then before deciding to make her appearance). I am not anxious for this month to go by too quickly though – even though we have a little hope again, the future is still very uncertain and so every moment that we still have with Jessica wriggling about is so very precious. Those movements are certainly getting quite big now and I can definitely feel little feet sticking out! It is just lovely to feel her moving about so much though.

A Sunday afternoon with family

2011-08-02T19:14:00.004+01:00

After a lovely Saturday catching up with my family at the wedding, it was good to also be able to spend some time on Sunday catching up with family as well and getting to see my beautiful nieces Erin and Ebony who were staying with their granny yesterday rather than being at the wedding. Ebony is fascinated by my bump at the moment and every time Jessica starts moving, she comes over and puts a hand on my bump so she can feel Jessica moving about and gives her kisses whereas Erin seems a little bit unsure about it all.

Dawn & James' wedding

2011-08-02T19:14:00.002+01:00

It seems to be another good year for weddings and so we were off to the third wedding so far this year – my niece Dawn was getting married in a lovely hotel in the New Forest. I love family weddings – it is always good to be able to catch up with my siblings, nieces and nephews. The weather was beautiful and Dawn and James both looked so happy. I even managed to get up and do a bit of jiving with Michael in the evening which wasn’t too bad for being seven months’ pregnant! All in all, a lovely day.

Backstage at Musical Mischief

2011-07-29T17:10:00.002+01:00

So of course, now that things are slowing down at work and I’m in the third trimester, I’m taking things easy, putting my feet up and relaxing… Or, maybe not! This week I’m helping out backstage for Musical Mischief – this year’s Pastiche Theatre concert. Of course, I’m not moving scenery or anything – just making sure that people are in the wings at the right time. Even though I’ve given up treading the boards, I just can’t walk away from the am-dram scene entirely. I have to confess though I am missing being on stage just a tiny bit this time…

Camp NaNoWriMo - another challenge met!

2011-07-28T11:16:00.002+01:00

28 days into Camp NaNoWriMo, the challenge has been met and the winner’s line crossed! I have written 50,841 words and have the beginnings of a first draft (still incomplete though) and it has been good to get back into the habit of writing more regularly again. There is still another month of camp available in August so the question is am I crazy enough to do it all again next month or shall I just focus on what I’ve written this time round and finish the first draft? Of course, there’s last year’s NaNoWriMo novel to edit as well…

32 week scan update - part 2

2011-07-28T00:29:00.002+01:00

Jessica is continuing to grow well – at yesterday’s scan, her weight was estimated to be 4lb 2oz which is fairly average for this stage of pregnancy. She also seems to be coping well with everything – there are no signs at present that her heart is starting to fail and hopefully this will continue to be the case. She is still just as active as ever (and just as hiccuppy!) – she was wriggling about so much during the scan yesterday that trying to measure the blood flow through various parts of her heart was a bit of a challenge at times!

32 week scan update - part 1

2011-07-26T22:41:00.003+01:00

Today’s scan shows a similar picture in terms of blood flow to the one two weeks ago but we have been given another glimmer of hope. The team in Southampton have seen our scans and are willing to consider attempting surgery after Jessica is born. It will depend on whether she is well enough after birth for surgery to be attempted but at least it may now be an option. If I go into labour from now onwards, then Jessica will be given drugs after birth to keep the hole in her heart open and then assessed for possible surgery.

Ladder logic

2011-07-25T23:45:00.001+01:00

During the get-in of a show, the seats in the auditorium are pushed back, so to get to the sound box at the back, where Michael is usually working, I have to climb a ladder. The fact that I’m still happy to do this at seven months’ pregnant seems to cause my mother-in-law concern that I am putting her granddaughter at risk. I wouldn’t do it if I thought I was likely to fall – my daughter’s safety is the most important thing to me too. Surely having more weight at the front means I’m less likely to fall off anyway?

A day at the spa...

2011-07-24T21:15:00.001+01:00

Hubby and I decided that it would be a good idea to spend some quality time together before baby Jessica arrives and as we had really enjoyed our last spa day back in November, we decided that we should do it again (having got a spa voucher from my mother-in-law for my birthday also helped!). We had a lovely day and had a massage, facial and pedicure each so both of us now feel very chilled out as a result. I think Jessica enjoyed it all too if all the little wriggles I was getting were anything to go by!

Camp NaNoWriMo update

2011-07-24T21:14:00.001+01:00

This month’s writing challenge is going much better than last month’s – I’m now up to the 40,000 word mark so just another week and another 10,000 words to go. Slowing down at work has definitely helped – I have more time to write, although trying to get back into the habit of writing 1600+ words per day was a real struggle at first, but I think I’ve got into the swing of it now. And then after a good day on the writing front, what better way to finish it then by going out for a curry with some good friends?

Playtime

2011-07-23T10:29:00.002+01:00

Jessica’s wriggles are definitely much bigger now and I can see my bump really move when she starts being active. She also gets hiccups quite a lot – generally several times a day. Michael and I sometimes play a little with her when she is active – patting where she has kicked in response to her movements or balancing a CD case or something like that on my bump when she is moving and watch it moving about with her. She also seems more responsive – often if she is quiet, I will rest my hand on my bump and she’ll then wriggle.

Here's to the ladies who lunch

2011-07-23T10:28:00.000+01:00

Technically I’m still working at the moment, but now that all my clients have given birth and I’m no longer on call for births, things are slowing down. I now only have one client left to do postnatal visits for and so have a lot more free time to spend at home or catching up with friends – being a ‘lady wot lunches’. This afternoon was spent catching up with some midwifery friends whom I used to work with – one of them has recently had a baby boy so it was lovely to meet him as well and have some cuddles.

Thoughts on Google+

2011-07-21T10:15:00.001+01:00

I use social networking sites a lot, so had been interested in trying out Google+. I have to say, that I haven’t really been that impressed so far. Part of the problem is having so few friends also on Google+ but there are other problems I’ve had with it so far – not being able to find friends that I knew were also on there and they couldn’t find me either (which seemed bizarre given Google’s strength as a search engine) but I’ve also struggled with adjusting privacy settings on photos. Can’t see it replacing facebook any time soon for me.

RIP Olive

2011-07-21T10:12:00.002+01:00

Have been saying goodbye to a very lovely lady from my church today. Olive passed away recently at the grand old age of 95 and was one of the first people whom I got to know at the church I attend, mainly because she knew Michael’s family so well, having been good friends with Michael’s nanna when Michael’s nanna was alive. She was always very smiley and friendly, interested in everything that was going on and was quite sprightly up until a few months ago. The church was quite packed with people saying their goodbyes to her yesterday. RIP Olive.

Preparing for another show

2011-07-21T10:06:00.002+01:00

Despite having given up on treading the boards nearly a year ago, I haven’t quite managed to detach myself from am-dram entirely – I still help by putting the programme together and Michael likes to get involved on the technical side so we end up going to a couple of the last rehearsals before show week and then being around during some of show week itself. It’s a strange feeling to be involved in the show in this way – whilst you are still a little part of it all, in some ways you don’t really feel part of it at all.

Starting to nest

2011-07-17T17:31:00.001+01:00

My nesting instinct has started to kick in. Trying to prepare for Jessica’s arrival is difficult though – we want to go and buy some things, but because the future is so very uncertain, we can’t buy all that much right now. Wandering around baby shops brings the realisation home again that our situation is so very different from how we’d anticipated things being at this stage. I’ve cleared space in our guest bedroom for the few baby things that we do have, but clearing out the room which was originally intended to be the nursery remains on hold for now.

Thank you for the music(als)

2011-07-16T23:26:00.001+01:00

Spent the afternoon at a surprise party for the director of the am-dram group I used to be involved with. After about fifty years of directing am-dram shows, she decided to step down after the most recent production of Kiss Me Kate and so today was a chance for lots of people who have been involved in various shows over the years to say thank you for all the hard work she has put in. It was good to see lots of the people that I have done shows with in the few years I was involved in the group.

Swimming pool shock

2011-07-15T14:25:00.000+01:00

The idea of going for a swim in the local outdoor pool on a lovely sunny day seemed quite appealing, particularly as I suspected it wouldn’t be too busy as the school holidays haven’t yet started. The only thing I didn’t check was whether it was heated or not and got quite a shock when I got in the water to discover it was absolutely freezing cold! I thought going for a swim would be nice and relaxing – I wasn’t prepared for the experience to be bracing instead! Next time, I think I will go for the heated indoor pool.

Cordocentesis results

2011-07-14T22:49:00.001+01:00

We had the results of the cordocentesis (a test where blood is taken from the umbilical cord and screened for genetic abnormalities) back today and thankfully the results are completely normal. Our consultants didn’t think that it was very likely that Jessica’s heart condition was linked to any genetic abnormalities but it is a relief that this has been confirmed. The test has also confirmed that Jessica is definitely a little girl – we would have been very surprised if this hadn’t been the case after all the scans that we have had but it is good to be completely certain.

30 week scan update

2011-07-13T23:11:00.001+01:00

Today’s scan showed that things are fairly similar to how they were last week – the blood flow through Jessica’s heart and surrounding blood vessels is about the same, and there is still fairly high pressure in the left atrium. The plan remains the same at present – not to intervene after she is born (although it would be too early as yet to do anything anyway). We will keep praying for further improvement and for post-birth surgery to become an option though. On the plus side, she seems to still be coping well and growing nicely (estimated weight now 3lb 1oz).

It's good to talk...

2011-07-12T23:42:00.001+01:00

Whilst I generally manage to enjoy my pregnancy, there are times when I find it hard and feel a bit isolated because I can’t quite relate to what other women are focusing on at this stage of pregnancy. Since Jessica’s diagnosis, I have discovered that one of my school friends has a son with a similar heart condition. It felt strange to be calling her for a chat after so many years but within minutes we were chatting away easily and I felt so much better for being able to talk to someone who understood exactly how I was feeling.

2nd wedding anniversary

2011-07-11T22:50:00.003+01:00

This time two years ago, Michael and I were celebrating at our wedding reception. Our wedding day was fabulous – I don’t think I stopped smiling from the moment I woke up that morning until my head finally hit the pillow that night. I feel very blessed to have had two years of married life with such a wonderful supportive and loving husband. The last two years have not been the easiest by any means, but I am so glad to have had Michael by my side during them, and I hope we will get to spend many more years together.

Getting back to work

2011-07-10T22:37:00.002+01:00

When I finished work a couple of weeks ago to take time off for Jessica’s operation, it was all very uncertain as to whether I would start my maternity leave at that point or not depending on the outcome and care for my last clients had to be taken over by my colleagues just in case. It has been good to get back to work again in the last couple of days. The last of my babies has now arrived and so I just have a few postnatal visits left to do before I go off on my maternity leave.

Beading workshop

2011-07-10T22:36:00.002+01:00

Every time I go to a church beading day, I always end up buying a lot of beads but this time I was determined not to and use up some of the beads I already have instead. I didn’t quite succeed in not buying anything – needed to get some clasps and silver beads but managed to avoid the temptation to spend a fortune on beads I don’t really need. It was a very productive day – made five new necklaces, tried some new techniques and finally used some of the beads that have been sitting in my bead box for ages.

One week post-surgery - scan update

2011-07-08T16:05:00.001+01:00

Our scan yesterday shows that Jessica is doing well after last week’s surgery. The team are pleased that the surgery was successful in that the hole in her heart has been enlarged and she coped well with the procedure. There is some improvement in blood flow through that hole and through one of the pulmonary veins although the blood flow through the other still seems much the same and so the current plan is still for comfort care after birth. We will keep praying for further improvements as she will still need more surgery after birth in order to survive.

Things that go bump in the night

2011-07-07T10:14:00.001+01:00

Hubby is a bit of a night owl and I often end up waking in the night and wandering downstairs to find he’s fallen asleep on the sofa. Last night, I headed downstairs in the dark and appeared in the doorway just as he was turning off the lights to come upstairs. I thought he’d heard me, but clearly not because he turned round and nearly jumped out of his skin! I don’t think I’ve seen him look so scared since I woke him up dressed as Fruma Sarah during Fiddler – only this time I wasn’t intending to frighten him.

Preparing to return to work

2011-07-06T22:19:00.001+01:00

I met up with my colleagues for lunch today and enjoyed catching up with them all. I’m still off work at the moment, recovering from last week’s surgery. We had to put plans in place to cover my two remaining clients (one of whom has yet to give birth) as it was uncertain when (or if) I would be coming back, depending on how things went. Whilst I’m not planning on being fully on-call (contorting over a birth pool is no longer very easy to do!), I’m hoping to be back doing some visits from the end of this week.

Chipping away at the home improvements

2011-07-06T22:18:00.001+01:00

When we first bought our house, we spent a lot of time decorating and trying to get as much done as possible before we moved in, knowing that things would slow down considerably once we were actually in the house. We have been living here for nearly a year now, and there is still a lot that needs to be done (admittedly losing my job at the end of last year slowed progress down a bit) and a couple of rooms are still mostly being used as storage areas for unpacked boxes. Slowly, we are chipping away at it though.

Camp NaNoWriMo

2011-07-04T22:31:00.001+01:00

Another month brings another writing challenge as my writing buddy has challenged me to take part in Camp NaNoWriMo with its target of 50,000 words. Last month’s ‘fun’ challenge to write 30,000 words of fiction in a month was intended to be a warm-up, although with everything else going on, creative writing quickly dropped off the priorities list and I gave up around the 5000 word mark. In the end, neither of us managed to meet the target but now that I’ve finished working full-time (although am planning on doing some postnatal visits still), I might find time to write.

Taking it easy

2011-07-03T22:35:00.000+01:00

It’s been great having my mum up for the weekend. Jessica’s surgery means that I’m now at increased risk of pre-term labour (she has to hang on until term for post-birth surgery to be an option) and the consultant’s orders are to “take things easy”. So I spent the evening with my feet up whilst my mum did the ironing and Michael cooked dinner (and I tried, not always successfully, not to interfere in the process). I’m not very good at relinquishing control of household chores to my husband but I’m sure I could get better with some more practice!

Summed up in a Facebook post

2011-07-02T07:40:00.000+01:00

I saw this posted on a friend’s Facebook wall recently and I wanted to share it as it really does sum up how I have felt in these past couple of months and how much I have changed as a person since discovering about Jessica’s heart condition:

“Having a child with a life threatening condition changes you. It brings out strength in you that you never knew you had, it makes you appreciate the little things in life, it makes you fear that every memory you make together may be your last, and it teaches you that miracles do happen.”

So much to be thankful for

2011-07-01T10:20:00.001+01:00

We have so much to thank God for. We are thankful for the medical team who were willing to perform a new and complicated surgical procedure, for their skills and determination to succeed with the surgery, for the fabulous care we have received from the all the team at Oxford, for all our friends, family and everyone who has been praying for Jessica throughout all of this (some of whom we don’t even know) and for the fact that our baby girl is still here and wriggling. Just to be in this place right now is a miracle in itself.

Successful surgery (hopefully!)

2011-06-30T09:54:00.003+01:00

The team at Oxford managed to carry out the surgery on Jessica yesterday evening and it looks like the hole in her heart has been enlarged although it is too early to tell whether it has made much difference to blood flow or whether her odds for post-birth surgery have improved. She seemed to cope very well with it all and is moving about this morning which is just the most amazing feeling in the world. We feel so incredibly blessed to be here right now with her still wriggling about – God has really been amazing throughout all of this.

Surgery update

2011-06-29T09:32:00.001+01:00

Jessica is wriggling away this morning which is a beautiful feeling. We are going to be re-attempting the surgery again today though as she wasn’t in the best position to place the needle in her heart to do the procedure although the team did try a couple of times. She seemed to cope well with it (although tried to kick the needle away when they were taking the amniocentesis sample before she was sedated!) We have been told the risk of the procedure is 10-50% so any prayers for Jessica to get through all this will be very much appreciated.

Praying for Jessica

2011-06-28T11:43:00.000+01:00

And so the big day is here and Jessica’s operation is scheduled for this afternoon. I am scared but I know that my baby girl is surrounded by so much prayer at the moment and there are so many people out there praying that the operation will be a success – family, friends and friends of friends. I know that Jessica is in God’s hands and that He is always with all of us – throughout the operation and in the days ahead. Every little wriggle today is precious and I pray that there are still many more of them to come.

Busyness and distraction

2011-06-28T00:47:00.001+01:00

The end of the month is always a bit of a busy time but with Jessica’s operation drawing near, I can’t really think about anything that needs to happen after that and so I have been trying to get everything done a few days early which has led to a day of feeling a little bit like a headless chicken. In some ways, the distraction has been good and has managed to take my mind off what is going to happen this week. In other ways, the busyness has made today feel like it has gone by in a whirlwind.

Hot Mikado - review

2011-06-26T23:16:00.000+01:00

The cast were clearly enjoying themselves from the very first moment they appeared on stage in SOS’s production of Hot Mikado, an updated jazzy version of the G&S classic, resulting in some very enthusiastic and energetic moments, particularly in the ensemble numbers. Jason Sly and Vicky Wilson in the lead roles of Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum were somewhat overshadowed by Matt Sturgeon and Marlene Hill who both gave superlative comedic performances in the roles of Ko-Ko and Katisha – the latter being particularly well suited to the part with her rich, soulful voice and dominating stage presence. Overall, a very enjoyable show.

Capturing precious moments

2011-06-25T17:12:00.003+01:00

I have had quite a few ‘bump’ photos taken so far to show how Jessica has been growing as the weeks go by, but there have been no photos capturing those precious moments of Michael bonding with our daughter and I felt it was important to have some photos with Michael in as well which didn’t look too formal or posed. Thanks to our lovely friend Brian, who was one of the photographers at our wedding, this has now been achieved and we have some beautiful photos of Michael listening to Jessica’s heartbeat and generally bonding with our little girl.

Stop, time...

2011-06-25T08:48:00.001+01:00

This week seems to be going by too quickly for my liking. One thing I have learned over the past few weeks is just how precious time really is and how important it is to make the most of every moment; to really live in the moment and not look too far ahead into the future. I try not to think of the things that lie ahead and just enjoy those precious moments that I have right now – the moments when Jessica wriggles, when Michael and I cuddle up on the sofa and tell her how much we love her.

Washday woes

2011-06-23T22:40:00.001+01:00

Came home from work the other day to find the kitchen floor absolutely flooded. It wasn’t a complete shock – our washing machine has been leaking a little for a while but with an overflowing wash basket thanks to Michael’s trip away, I had hoped it would hold out a little longer. After the hassle of trying to get it repaired last time and having to be without it for eight weeks, I think it is time for a new washing machine. Preferably a quieter one – ours sounds like a plane trying to take off when it is on spin cycle.

Handing over care

2011-06-22T23:10:00.001+01:00

I have managed to avoid telling my clients about the concerns with my own pregnancy until now (although had introduced back-up midwives with the explanation that I had a family member who was unwell and would possibly need time off to support them). Now that I’m finishing work sooner than anticipated, I have had to tell a couple of clients the full story (particularly as one hasn’t yet had her baby) which has been really hard. I don’t want my clients to worry about me but I needed to let them know why I can’t stay involved in their care.

Not very chivalrous

2011-06-21T18:10:00.002+01:00

My bump is now big enough that the ‘Baby on Board’ badge I wear when travelling on the Tube is probably not necessary. It doesn’t always produce the hoped-for result – I made a beeline for the last remaining seat on a crowded train this morning only for a man on the other side of the train to rush ahead and grab it even though he’d clearly noticed the baby bump. He didn’t even look slightly embarrassed when the nice lady next to me offered her seat instead. Chivalry may not be dead but it’s not exactly alive and kicking either…

The joys of jams

2011-06-20T22:46:00.001+01:00

I feel like I have spent most of today sitting in traffic jams and running late for all of my visits. Why is it that the traffic jam always seems to start just at the point where you are left with no choice but to sit and wait it out rather than just before the junction where you could have turned off and found an alternative route? And the traffic update that would have alerted you to the problem only comes on the radio once you already quite aware of the traffic jam as you’re now in it. Very frustrating.

Father's Day memories

2011-06-19T22:52:00.002+01:00

Father’s Day is another one of those days when I just miss my dad a little bit more although I do like to believe that he is still watching over all of us even though he is no longer with us. I always tried to go home on Father’s Day to spend time with him even if I was on call. I always liked to surprise him by not telling him that I would be coming home although given that I did that most years, it probably wasn’t really as much of a surprise as I thought it would be!

Causing confusion

2011-06-18T23:36:00.000+01:00

Had an early start to the day – being called out at 4am to go and support a client in labour. I caused a little confusion when I arrived at the labour ward – they thought I was a patient when I first arrived until I explained that I was a midwife and there to support someone else! Several hours later, there was the joy of welcoming a beautiful baby boy into the world. It feels odd to think that this could be the last birth I attend for some time as I shall be going off work in a week’s time.

Keeping busy

2011-06-17T21:57:00.001+01:00

Work has been quite busy over the last few weeks – June did look set to be a busy month though with a few babies due. Being busy has been a blessing in some ways – I haven’t had the time to sit at home and worry, but have still managed to have time to bond with Jessica whilst sitting in traffic jams travelling to visits. There have been times when I have found my job a little harder, but my situation has also meant being more able to empathise and support my clients when things aren’t going so well for them.

Treasuring every moment

2011-06-17T00:34:00.001+01:00

Since finding out about Jessica’s heart condition, I have tried to stay positive and to keep hoping for the best. There are moments when I am very scared and moments when I just need to have a good cry but on the whole, I would still say that I am enjoying my pregnancy and most of the time feel happy and blessed to have been given Jessica as my daughter. I love feeling her move, love it when Michael kisses my bump (giving Jessica kisses is the one thing he can do that I can’t!) and am treasuring every moment.

A ray of hope

2011-06-15T22:37:00.001+01:00

We have been praying for hope for our little Jessica and today it seems that our prayers are being answered. We had been exploring the option of fetal surgery to enlarge one of the holes in Jessica’s heart to improve her chances of surgery post-birth and at today’s scan it was confirmed that this is an option and we have been booked for this surgery on 28 June. It will be the first time (as far as we know) that this procedure has been carried out in the UK and it is risky but it will give her a chance.

Having hubby home again

2011-06-14T21:15:00.001+01:00

After more than two weeks of him being away, it is so good to have my hubby back home with me again. Apparently my bump has grown quite a lot since he left – one of his first comments was about how big I suddenly was looking! Jessica’s wriggles are also a lot more noticeable now – he couldn’t always feel her moving about before so he got a bit of a surprise when he rested his head against my bump for a moment and Jessica promptly gave him a big kick as if to say ‘get off, Daddy, you’re squashing me!’

Thank you Mum!

2011-06-13T21:03:00.002+01:00

Having my mum stay with me for nine days has been wonderful. I don’t think I have spent so much time with her since back in my university days when I went home for the summer. I felt quite sad taking her home today – it has been so lovely to spend the time with her, not to mention how fabulous it has been to be so well looked after whilst she has been here, although the time went by too quickly! On the plus side though, Michael is due back tomorrow so looking forward to having my hubby home again.

Lunch for 45

2011-06-12T23:03:00.001+01:00

Every year, I agree to organise one of the monthly lunches for people living alone that our church puts on and each time I do it, I always seem to end up being on call which makes it a little more stressful. Normally, Michael is around just in case but not this year and although my mum is still around to help out, I was still a bit worried about being called out. Fortunately though the phone stayed quiet and I managed to do a lunch for 45 people with the help of my mum, Michael’s mum and Michael’s aunt.

Cravings

2011-06-12T23:02:00.001+01:00

I sometimes get asked if I’ve had any strange cravings so far in my pregnancy – I don’t think I have though (unless you count the duck, banana and lychee curry that I’ve had a couple of times at a local curryhouse!) One thing I have noticed is that I have developed a sweet tooth – I used to be someone who never really wanted dessert and now I absolutely have to have dessert. Particularly if it is ice-cream. Well, the old wives’ tale does say that you crave sweet things when you are expecting a girl. It’s certainly true for me.

Sizing things up

2011-06-12T23:01:00.001+01:00

It’s funny how people seem to all have an opinion about what size you should be at various stages of pregnancy. I have been given a whole range of opinions ranging from being told that I look very small for five and a half months to being told that I’m going to be enormous and even being told that I look ‘ready to pop’. Fortunately, I’m fairly happy that Jessica is just the right size that she should be at this stage but I can see why women start worrying about whether their babies are growing at the right pace.

Hoping for a quiet night

2011-06-09T22:21:00.001+01:00

I’m hoping that tonight I will get an uninterrupted night’s sleep in my own bed after three nights in a row of being out all night although not sure quite how likely it is given that I still have two women who are waiting for their babies to arrive. It was good to welcome a beautiful baby boy into the world late last night, particularly after he’d decided to take a few days deciding whether he was going to arrive or not! It was also very, very good to finally arrive home to my bed and get some much-needed sleep!

Magical moments

2011-06-09T22:20:00.001+01:00

In the last few days, Jessica seems to have got a lot more wriggly. Some of the movements seem to be quite big ones now and I can see my bump moving about when she has a wriggle about which is just lovely. I love being able to have time to sit still and just enjoy the moments when she is moving about and those moments are just so very precious. I feel bad for Michael being away for a couple of weeks because he is missing out on these things at the moment and can’t share them with me.

My wonderful mum

2011-06-07T21:09:00.001+01:00

It is so good to have my mum staying with me this week. I love spending time with my mum and living a little further away from my family means that I don’t get to spend quite as much time with them as I would like. Plus as well as being able to enjoy spending time with her, she has been amazing at helping out doing all those little jobs round the house that the baby bump makes it a little more difficult for me to do. It also means that I’m not quite so lonely whilst Michael is away.

Anticipating a busy week

2011-06-07T21:05:00.001+01:00

I have a sneaking suspicion that the theme for this week will be ‘sleep deprivation’. With two women now just beyond their due date and a third looking like she is going to have her baby a little earlier than anticipated, it could end up being quite a busy week. Having spent last night with a client in early labour (fortunately did get a little sleep though) and with tonight looking set to be another disturbed night, sleep is not looking high up on my agenda. I love my job but prefer it when things are a little less busy!

Just a lovely day

2011-06-05T22:28:00.001+01:00

Despite the fact that it has been raining for most of the day, it has just been a lovely day for spending time with friends and family. My mum has come up to spend a few days with me and keep me company while Michael is away and it has been great to be able to spend so much time with her. We ended up spending the afternoon with my friend Clare who was having a barbecue for her birthday (which still went ahead despite the weather) and then went to visit my cousin Andy and catch up with him.

11th Christian birthday

2011-06-04T13:24:00.002+01:00

It is 11 years ago today that I first became a Christian. Before then, I had always believed in God and prayed regularly – my parents having brought me up to believe in God – but the only times I went into a church were for weddings, christenings and funerals. It wasn’t until I went to university and met people who were practising Christians, some of which are now amongst my closest friends, that I started going to church on a Sunday and felt the desire to want to get to know God more closely and build a personal relationship with Him.

Thank you for being a friend

2011-06-03T22:36:00.001+01:00

I have to say my friends have been amazing this week. With Michael being away, and given everything else that is going on in our lives, everyone seems to be making sure that I don’t have to sit at home on my own unless I really want to. I have had two friends over for lunch this week, several phone calls catching up with other friends and also been over to my in-laws for dinner. Tomorrow my mum will be coming up to spend a week with me. Thank you everyone for all your support – it is very much appreciated.

Pillow talk

2011-06-02T23:24:00.001+01:00

Having now got to the stage where getting myself comfortable and ready to go to sleep involves three extra pillows, it was clear that it was time to finally give in a buy myself a proper pregnancy pillow. I’ve opted for the Dream Genii, or as it’s now become known in our house, the ‘elephant pillow’ – well, with a bit of imagination it does vaguely resemble an elephant’s head with a long trunk. Have to say I have been quite impressed with it so far – am sleeping so much better and on the plus side, the SPD has also improved.

Another writing challenge

2011-06-01T23:03:00.001+01:00

Last November I took part in NaNoWriMo – a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in just 30 days – and succeeded. Yesterday, a friend suggested embarking on a similar challenge for the next few weeks – with a reduced target of 1000 words per day (as opposed to 1667 words per day for NaNoWriMo). It seemed like a fun idea until I was faced with a blank screen this afternoon at the start of the challenge and possibly the worst case of writer’s block I have ever experienced. I must be mad. Somehow I have managed to meet today’s target though.

Footprints

2011-05-31T22:55:00.003+01:00

The well-known poem ‘Footprints in the Sand’ ends with the following words:

The LORD replied “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

No matter what happens over the coming weeks, I know that Michael and I will not have to face any of it alone. We have wonderful friends and family supporting and praying for us and Jessica and we know that God is holding all of us very tightly right now.

My fabulous friends

2011-05-30T22:54:00.001+01:00

I once gave all my close friends a mug each for Christmas with the words ‘Friends are God’s way of looking after us’ painted on them. Over the years, I have felt so blessed to have the friends I have – my friends have been there for me through many ups and downs (and I hope I have been there for them too when they have needed me) and continue to be there – at the end of the phone, providing much needed hugs (real and virtual ones) and support (and sometimes cake!), making me laugh or just being there to listen.

Hubby-away-on-a-business-trip blues

2011-05-29T22:37:00.003+01:00

I always feel quite low the first day without Michael when he is away – normally I would count the days until he gets back although time is not something I am anxious to hurry along at the moment. I can have a tendency to stay at home waiting for a phone call to let me know he’s arrived safely, but fortunately, a couple of friends from church decided to drop by for a cuppa this evening and then we ended up going out to a local pub for dinner which was just what I needed to ease the ‘hubby-away-on-a-business-trip blues.’

Last minute rush

2011-05-29T22:37:00.002+01:00

Whenever Michael has to go away to work on an event, particularly if it is for longer than a week, the last few days before he has to go are always completely manic. I can guarantee that he will end up staying up all night the night before tying up all the loose ends at work whilst trying to juggle it with being able to spend a little bit of time at home and I run around trying to help as much as I can whilst hoping that my work phone will stay quiet and I won’t get called out.